Thursday, October 22, 2009

Is It Really For the Baby? Yea Right...


Have you ever met a person and they told you that they were with there mate because of the child? I have. Now, because I do not have any kids I will not and cannot judge them, along with the fact that I'm not a judmental person. BUT, as a realist and looking at it from a logical standpoint, I just don't get it. I do understand loving your child and wanting him/her to be raised in a family setting, but if that's the reason just say that! I feel like in so many situations, both parties use the child as a reason for staying because it's much easier to do that instead of admitting their true feelings. Believe me, I've dealt with someone that had a child, and he loved his son to death. However, he did not want anything to do with his child's mother(at least not in a romantic way). They were cordial because of the precious gift that they shared together, but they were mature enough to realize that they didn't have to be in a relationship in order to raise their child. Although he and I are no longer dating, I will always and forever respect him for his maturity and the love and respect that he has for his son and his son's mother.

One thing that really bothers me is when some women threaten the man with never seeing his child again! Who in the hell does that? Seriously, if a man loves his child and wants to take care of his responsibility, why would you deprive him of that? Just because you want him and you don't want to see him with someone else? Ok, once again I will make it a point to say that I have NO kids, but if I did, my child would be my main concern! If the man decides for whatever reason that he does not want to be with me...KICK ROCKS!! Often times, we as women get so caught up in the man that we tend to lose ourselves. I've seen it happen too many times. Hell, it's happened to me! But one thing I've learned in my 27 years of life is that I will ALWAYS love myself first. I might find myself in love with him but I love myself more.

Men...if you love your child's mother and you want to be with her...IT'S OK! I'm not saying that's the case with all men but some men feel like they have to lie to kick it...false assumption! I just strongly believe that when you have unprotected sex with a person, as an adult you know that you run the risk of getting pregnant or inpregnating someone...obviously you cared enough for that person to run that risk. Unfortunately, in some cases, after the child is born you start seeing a side of your mate that you didn't know existed.(lol) I'm laughing because I hear so many of my friends say "Girl,after this baby was born he just started acting crazy!", or from the male "Ole girl just started flippin out after she had the baby..I can't go nowhere!" Well damn. But it happens everyday.

All I'm saying is that I don't think it's logical to stay in a negative situation claiming it's for your child. How are you helping your child? I would only assume that it's healthier for your child to see their parents have a healthy relationship even though they don't live together versus both of their parents being in the home but they argue all the time. What you see as a child has a heavy bearing on how you view certain situations as an adult...I'm just saying.

But those are just my two cents....who the hell am I? lol

Please share your thoughts with me!!!

Until Next Time....

2 comments:

Jamella said...

People want fantasy but what they need is REALITY! I have a child and so I understand the above scenario very well! People will allow themselves to be guilted into staying in a situation because it is comfortable. They already know what to expect, the same defenses to the same accusations are already embedded in their psyche, and the unprotected sex is plentiful. So why leave that to venture into the unknown? You could debate this topic forever because it's very subjective...the short answer is that men and women need to make BETTER choices concerning their dealings with others. It's an easy enough concept: stop falling for the hype and start placing some value on yourself = BETTER choices! That way no one has to the ignorant statement "I love my child but hate my baby mama/baby daddy" but yall live together? Yeah, ok...Whatever you say!

Shunda said...

True, true. I totally agree! Life is all about making the smart choices!