Friday, February 12, 2010

Who Am I? Let Me Tell You.....

So lately I've been realizing that a lot of people just don't "get me". I mean, my real friends that have been around me for years, yea....but just the Average Joe...not so much. I'm not a complex person(well, I don't think I just look at things a little different than everyone else. But, it hurts my feelings when individuals tell me that I come off as a snob or like I have an attitude. I immediately become defensive because I know that's not who I am...not at all! No, I might not say much at first but that's because I like to observe people. Hell, I'm observant! In this world that we live in I almost feel as if I have to be. There are some shady people out here and I try to avoid them at all costs. I'm the nicest person you will ever meet, but when I sense a person is on bullshit, there credibililty immediately goes down the drain. People will take your kindness for a weakness, I know all too well. At one point, I started thinking "hmmm...maybe I'm too nice." But, that's just me. There are some things that I'm not willing to change.

Anyone that knows me knows that I'm a very sarcastic person. Some people take offense to this but I promise I don't mean any harm. I personally think sarcastic people are hilarious! I just say things sometimes to get people to use their brains. If you can't decipher sarcasm then something is definitely not right up there. But on the other hand, sometimes I use sarcasm to hide what I'm truly feeling. I know, it sounds weird, but it's the truth. Sometimes, if I feel like someone is getting too close or a situation is getting too serious and I can't handle it, I become very sarcastic. To the point where I become a smart ass. It's sad but dammit that's my way of defusing a situation. Don't judge me!

I'm just a simple chick trying to make it. On the real, sometimes I just want to become a recluse...hide away from the world for awhile...away from all the foolishness. Have you ever just thought, "why can't everyone think like me? The world would be a much better place!" Yea right. I can't help it! Sometimes I just get fed up with the forreal. It just amazes me how everything can be going so smoothly and then POW! Everything just blows up in your face. But through it all I have to keep my game face's almost as if it's a sin if I show any emotion. Who said I was hard? Not me! People just assume that about me. No, that's not it all. I just don't put my feelings out there all the time. I've never been a really emotional person. In fact, my mother used to say that I didn't have an emotional bone in my body...go figure. I mean, if I cried about everything that went wrong in my life I would be crying a river...I'm just saying. That's just not me, makes me feel weak. What can I say? I'm a work in progress.

I just get so tired of people judging me when they don't really know me so I decided to TRY to explain a little about myself. We're all human, no one is perfect. I've learned to accept the fact that there are a few things that I need to work on but for the part I am who I am. If you don't like it to hell with you. I can't please everyone and I stopped trying a long time ago. To know me is to love me and that's real. I wasn't put on this Earth to please everyone. Actually, I haven't found my purpose yet.  But when I do, you all will be the first to know.

Until next time.....