Thursday, October 22, 2009

Is It Really For the Baby? Yea Right...

Have you ever met a person and they told you that they were with there mate because of the child? I have. Now, because I do not have any kids I will not and cannot judge them, along with the fact that I'm not a judmental person. BUT, as a realist and looking at it from a logical standpoint, I just don't get it. I do understand loving your child and wanting him/her to be raised in a family setting, but if that's the reason just say that! I feel like in so many situations, both parties use the child as a reason for staying because it's much easier to do that instead of admitting their true feelings. Believe me, I've dealt with someone that had a child, and he loved his son to death. However, he did not want anything to do with his child's mother(at least not in a romantic way). They were cordial because of the precious gift that they shared together, but they were mature enough to realize that they didn't have to be in a relationship in order to raise their child. Although he and I are no longer dating, I will always and forever respect him for his maturity and the love and respect that he has for his son and his son's mother.

One thing that really bothers me is when some women threaten the man with never seeing his child again! Who in the hell does that? Seriously, if a man loves his child and wants to take care of his responsibility, why would you deprive him of that? Just because you want him and you don't want to see him with someone else? Ok, once again I will make it a point to say that I have NO kids, but if I did, my child would be my main concern! If the man decides for whatever reason that he does not want to be with me...KICK ROCKS!! Often times, we as women get so caught up in the man that we tend to lose ourselves. I've seen it happen too many times. Hell, it's happened to me! But one thing I've learned in my 27 years of life is that I will ALWAYS love myself first. I might find myself in love with him but I love myself more.

Men...if you love your child's mother and you want to be with her...IT'S OK! I'm not saying that's the case with all men but some men feel like they have to lie to kick it...false assumption! I just strongly believe that when you have unprotected sex with a person, as an adult you know that you run the risk of getting pregnant or inpregnating someone...obviously you cared enough for that person to run that risk. Unfortunately, in some cases, after the child is born you start seeing a side of your mate that you didn't know existed.(lol) I'm laughing because I hear so many of my friends say "Girl,after this baby was born he just started acting crazy!", or from the male "Ole girl just started flippin out after she had the baby..I can't go nowhere!" Well damn. But it happens everyday.

All I'm saying is that I don't think it's logical to stay in a negative situation claiming it's for your child. How are you helping your child? I would only assume that it's healthier for your child to see their parents have a healthy relationship even though they don't live together versus both of their parents being in the home but they argue all the time. What you see as a child has a heavy bearing on how you view certain situations as an adult...I'm just saying.

But those are just my two cents....who the hell am I? lol

Please share your thoughts with me!!!

Until Next Time....

Thursday, October 15, 2009

What's it going to be? A Situation or a Relationship?

So, I should be studying but I have something on my mind right now and I felt compelled to write about it. Lately, I've been hearing a lot of people say that they are in a "situation". Now, when I think of a "situation", I'm thinking hostage takeover(but that's just At what point does a relationship turn into a situation? Did the word "relationship" go out of style and I didn't get the memo? Let me know!

True Story: I'm at the gym and this guy approaches me and strikes up a conversation. He wasn't too hard on the eyes so I continued to converse with him which lead to him asking for my number. I spoke with him a couple of times on the phone and he seemed to be really cool. So, one night, while talking on the phone with my best friend, I coincidentally ran across a picture of him on Facebook..(I promise I wasn't even looking for the To make a long story short, the woman in the picture with him was his wife! This man never wore a ring or gave off any signs that he could be possibly married! When I asked him about it he said that they have an "open relationship" and it's just a "complicated situation". He actually referred to his MARRIAGE as a "situation"! Needless to say, I no longer talk to him.

I just don't understand how you can live with someone, have sex with him/her, tell that person that you love them and call it a "situation"....I'm confused. There are a couple of ways that the word situation can be defined. One way in which it can be defined is "a critical or unusual difficulty"...Huh? As an adult I can't imagine being with someone and viewing my relationship as "a critical or unusual difficulty" but because I don't want to hurt that persons feelings or be alone I decide to stay just for the hell of it. Does that make sense? Not really..but I'm a little different so you can't go by what I think. If somewhere along the lines you realize that you no longer want to be with your mate...why not express those feelings? I was always told that honesty is the best policy! But's just easier to change your title to a "situation". WOW!

I totally understand being with a person and getting to a point in the relationship where you just don't know if you want to go any further. I also understand being in that in-between stage where you're "talking" but it hasn't quite developed into a relationship...I get all that! But what I don't understand is how you be with someone for X amount of years and you refer to it as a "situation". I just wish think we live in a society of convenience. We would rather be in a convenient situation than leave a messed up relationship. I don't know..that's just my two cents.

Thanks for listening!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Will I Ever Find My Mr. Right????????????

I'm getting scared people!(lol) Seriously, are there any women out there that feel me when I say that I think I will forever be single? I mean, really, think about it...who's to say that everyone is going to find the RIGHT person and get married? If I never find MR. RIGHT, am I supposed to just settle for MR. OK? My mother and sister constantly question me about why I'm single. They feel it's because I'm picky...THERE IS NO TRUTH IN THAT ASSUMPTION!(lol) I don't have a problem dating men with kids even though I don't have kids...**Disclaimer**BUT, if the child is under the age of 3 I might have to say no just for the simple fact that he is probably still involved with his child's mother..ijs. I don't have a problem dating a man without a degree. In fact, some of the brothers I know with a degree are so hard to deal with because they are so caught up on the fact that they have one and they feel that they are the last of a dying breed...Whew!(deep breath)Looks are the last of my worries at this point, well not the last, but you know what I mean. Really, I'm so simple and all I ask for is honesty, respect and a little that too much to ask for? So, again I ask myself..what's the problem? Am I just one of those people that is meant to be single? I was talking to my best friend last night and once again, we had a loooong conversation about men and their problems. I know so many guys that just can't be honest for the life of them. Much respect to those men out there that know how to keep it real even if they risk hurting the girls feelings. I would rather you hurt my feelings than allow me to fall for you knowing you're leading a double life...not a good look. I'm a big girl..I can take it!

I'm afraid that I'm becoming a cynic in regards to love. Don't get me wrong, I know it exist but I just don't think it exist in my world. I don't want to be the old lady on the porch with a lot of cats.(lol) Ok, maybe that was a little too far to the left, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone and at the rate I'm going, it's not looking good. Should I just prepare myself mentally in the case that this happens? Chile, it's gettin serious! But, then again all I can do is have faith that my time will come.

Until next time....

Thursday, October 08, 2009

The Man...The Provider Or Maybe Not...

One of my very close friends called me yesterday to ask my advice regarding an issue she has been having with her man. "Do you think I'm being irrational?" she asked. It's funny how you can always offer advice to others but you it's always a challenge to figure out your own shit.(lol) Anyway, her issue is the fact that her man has a problem helping her financially because she makes more money than him. The real problem is that this is the man that she wants to marry. Ok, some would say that she sounds like she's in it only for the money...NOOOOO! So, not the case! She has been with this guy for some years now and they have had their issues just like any other couple. This is where I'm confused....he lives at home with his parents, no bills, no REAL responsibilites...can we say SPOILED? He doesn't feel as if he should have to help her because in his mind "she has it." Ok even if she "has it" isn't part of being in a relationship knowing that the other person has your back no matter what? Do I have to be destitute for you to lend a helping hand? ijs... That's CRAZY!! She's not asking him to take care of her but they have talked about him moving into HER house that SHE bought and he still doesn't think that he should pay the amount that she proposed to him which was 800 bucks...who lives anywhere these days for less than $800/per month? Come on....what happened to the man being the provider? Wanting to take care of his family and being the head of his household even if the woman makes more money? I mean damn, what happened to Pride, Class and Dignity? I told her that I didn't think she was being irrational because he didn't even ATTEMPT to TRY to discuss what he could possibly do to help her. I mean I understand if you don't have it but to just flat out tell me NO and you rolling over every morning looking at me...HA!

I understand we live in a society now where women are VERY independent and we have no problem taking care of ourselves. Hell, I don't think I've ever asked a man to do anything for me. Well, outside of my daddy but that's different.(lol) But I think about my Mother and even my Grandmother(I miss her so much) and how they never really had to worry about least not financially. I know that there are still men out there that thrive off of "providing" for their girlfriend or wife but should we as women expect that from a man? Are we becoming TOO independent to the point where men feel as if we don't need them for ANYTHING?


Sunday, October 04, 2009

Reinvention of Self via the Internet

I'm sitting here on the rainy night with nothing to do so I decided to surf the net. You know...the norm, Facebook, Twitter.(lol) As I'm doing this I'm realizing that there are some real life Internet Superstars and Gangsters! I couldn't help it, I had to write about's getting out hand. Don't get me wrong, I do believe that these social networking sites should be used to network and promote whatever your trying to do. And I definitely believe in the betterment of self...but come on people! I am so tired of internet beef...are you serious?!? I'm noticing that the majority of people that are shit talkers and shit starters are the people that no one even knew existed a couple of years ago. Are they doing this for attention? For so-called fame? I just don't get it. Do they have low self-esteem? Ok, so I'm guilty of roaming on pages of people that I don't know..but I can't help it, I'm nosey(lol) but that's as far as I go. And in regards to that, why do people put there personal business out there for everyone to see, some things should remain just that..PERSONAL! I said all that to say this...if you're going to be a certain way, be that way all the time. You should't be one person via the net and another person in the streets..NOT COOL. Be comfortable in your own skin and F what other people think..WHO CARES?!! That is all...

Goodnight Beautiful People