Where Did the L.O.V.E Go?

"We were given: Two hands to hold. To legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find." -Unknown

When I was younger, my grandmother would always say "Baby, the love will come...as long as he's paying the bills you stay right there..." Really Granny?? (May her sweet soul rest in peace) But seriously, a lot of older women and some young women, still say things like this and really believe everything that what they are saying is true! And the one that I hate the most..."Make sure he loves you more than you love him" Now, how does that really make sense? My mother would tell me that all the time and for a minute I started believing her.  I mean, I honestly started thinking...are all the couples that I see together really meant to be together or did they just settle for each other because they couldn't be with the person that they really wanted? Should I just settle for the man that loves me more than I love him(if I love him at all...)?? I try to look at everything, for the most part, from a logical standpoint and I just don't see the logic in being with someone that loves and cares for me more than I love and care for him. Isn't that sort of selfish? Shouldn't he have the right to be with the person that does have those same feelings for him? But would he love her as much as he loves me? Or would he even love her at all? See what I'm saying? Is anyone with who they really want to be with? The unfortunate twist to any relationship is that one person may feel as if you they've found their soulmate but the other person may not feel that way.

I'm single for a reason....it's quite simple...I just haven't found the right man. Now some would ask the question, is the "right one" really out there? I believe so, the RIGHT one for me, that is! If I just wanted to be with any 'ole Joe Schmo that wouldn't be a problem, but I want to be with that person that loves me as much as I love him. Am I crazy to believe that I still have an opportunity to find love? I don't know...maybe, maybe not. Should I just be with someone based on what they can do for me and learn to love them over time? What if I never learn to love that person?? I guess that's the risk I'm suppose to take...NOT! So many times I hear women talking about how much money a man has or his social status,but what happens if he loses all of that? Will you still love him? What if the material things no longer exist?? Could you still see yourself "learning" to love him? I honestly believe that these are all valid questions. I just can't see myself being with someone solely on the basis of what he can do for me or how HE feels about ME. Ok, so he cares about me, I'm flattered. But if my heart's not in it there is nothing that he can do for me or say to me that will make me change my mind. Once again, this might sound crazy to some but hey, I'm entitled to my own opinion.

I just believe that we now live in a world of convenience where more and more relationships and marriages are being treated as business deals...nothing more, nothing less. Where did the love go? Lord help us all! Anyway...this is my point.....don't give up on true love. And when I say that I mean that undying love that exist between a man and a woman. Don't allow yourself to believe that you should settle for less than what you deserve...not cool. Don't allow someone to tell you to find someone that loves you more than you love them...there should be a balance in your relationship. There is nothing worse than having someone tell you that they love you and you have to struggle to say those words back to them. I know what it feels like to say those words when the feeling isn't really there....worst feeling ever. Just a little food for thought...

Until next time....

Why Do Men Cheat??...The REAL Reason(s)

This whole Tiger Woods fiasco really has me thinking....what is the real reason why men cheat? Is it because of some type of mental imbalance or is it simply because they become bored being with one woman? I know this is the million dollar question to which all women want to know the answer but this topic is very intriguing to me. Why do men cheat? Ok, so Tiger had not only one woman on the side, but he had like 10 other women!! Who does that? I mean, why get married? No, seriously. If you know you love women, why get married or get in a relationship and make someone's life miserable by cheating on her. Make no sense to me!

Now, clearly Tiger lost himself out there and the fact that he surrounded himself by such individuals as Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley doesn't say much for him. Jordan's ex-wife, Juanita, received $168 million in their divorce settlement...I'll just take a wild guess and say that it probably would've been cheaper to keep her...but that's just me. But let's forget about the money for a minute(well at least try). Why risk losing your family and jeopardizing your intergrity for a piece of ass?? I just don't get it! Can someone please explain? I was just using Tiger as an example because he was risking a lot more than the average man simply because of who he is, but let's discuss the average man. You know, the guy that goes to work everyday or "hustles" to make a living. Let's talk about him. Now, from a logical standpoint I would think that it would be much easier to be single and just date several women rather than being in a relationship or getting married and having to keep up with lies that you will be forced to tell. But there again....that's just me. However, I've talked to several men that admit to cheating and this is what they tell me...you ready for this? They love their girlfriend/wife and they know that's who they want to be with, but sometimes when it's right in front of you it's hard to say no. Huh? So, you're a grown ass man with no self-control? Oh ok. That's that bullshit! Ok, so my question still stands....why commit?? If you love that person like you say you do, why risk hurting them? I'm a woman but I can only speak for myself when I say that I would much rather a man love me and respect me enough to tell that he's just not ready to commit versus him being with me and CHEATING! Negative! The worst thing you can do is cheat on me and then tell me..."but I love you girl" Love should've brought your ass home last night...ha! I always wanted to say that! But really, how do love someone and be dishonest at the same time? How does that work? I know love and relationships can be a little tricky but damn...some things should just be common sense. Maybe I'm being naive, who knows!

I know this is a very interesting topic but I really want feedback from my brothas! Fill your girl in and let me know the real...I'm waiting! lol

Until next time....

My Test of Faith...

I haven't posted anything on here in awhile..I missed writing! I know most of my posts usually have to do with love and relationships but this time I felt compelled to change it up a bit. Most recently I haven't been feeling very well, partly due to stress(Note: Stress can kill you!). I was experiencing chest pains, shortness of breath, and many other symptoms that lead me to believe I was dying!(Dramatic..I know) I had to go to the ER twice and no one could tell me anything...talk about scared. Actually, scared may not be the best word....I was petrified! But, let me start from the beginning..it all started after I went to the doctor and she told me that she saw some blockage in my heart...WTH? Blockage? I'm only 27 years old and I exercise on a regular basis...ok, so my diet isn't the best but it's not the worst. Anyway, she referred me to a cardiologist just to make sure it wasnt anything serious. The first thought that came to my mind was "I'm too young to die!" There are so many things I haven't accomplished! But, age has nothing to at all to do with it. Of course, when I left her office and I got in my car, I started crying. I didn't know what else to do!  Moving on...I scheduled an appointment with the cardiologist and they ran all these tests on me to make sure that there was nothing seriously wrong with my heart or lungs. They noticed that my pulmonary artery was enlarged but he assured me that it was nothing to worry about. I promise I have never in my life prayed the way I've prayed in the last couple of weeks. I didn't want to talk to anybody but God because I knew He was the only one that could bring me through this. I knew this was a test of my faith and I wasn't going to allow the devil to take over my mind or my body.

When all this was happening, I started to think about what was really important. I thought about all the people in my life that I love and cherish. I can only speak for myself when I say that it took something like this to open my eyes to life and what matters the most. Life is too short to worry about things that don't matter or those things that we cannot change. I had a habit of dwelling on the past...I couldn't help it! I often wondered why things turned out a certain way or what I couldn've done to change the outcome. Who does that?? ME! What I had to realize is the past is the past and that's that. The present and the future are the only two moments of time that I should care about. One thing is for sure...my relationship with God is much stronger and this has truly shown me that with Him by side I can handle anything that the devil throws my way. I know that I am truly blessed and right now my happiness and good health mean more to me than anything.

I thought I would keep it short and simple with this one...lol

Thanks for listening....

Happiness.......What's the True Meaning?

Have you ever just been TIRED? No, I mean really TIRED, just FED UP!! Well, I think, scratch that, I know I'm at that point. I'm sitting here now with red eyes from restlessness and my night isn't even over. Wow! Between school, a stressful job, not to mention LIFE in general, I don't know how much more I can take! No, I'm not contemplating suicide(lol) I love myself too much! And I know this is the story of millions but why is that? Why is it that we don't take enough time for ourselves to do the things that really make us happy. Wait, do we even know what it is that makes us happy? I mean really, don't fake the funk, be real with me. We spend so much time and money getting these degrees in professions that half of us are unhappy with. That may not be the case with everyone, but that's for damn sure the case with me. But does that really make sense? I'm just saying. Think about what really makes you happy. That thing that makes you smile and gets you excited everytime you think about doing it. Now, the downside to this is that whatever "that thing" might be, you may not be able to turn that into a profession that makes you the money to carry on the lifestyle that you are used to having. What to do?! Do you just continue on with your unhappy existence or do you make a move to do something about it? No, I'm not telling you to up and quit your job, that's not a smart move if you don't have a Plan B.(lol) But I am telling you to find what makes you happy. For instance, when I started this blog there people that thought I was joking(including my mother) because they had no idea I could write.(lol) The funny thing is that I started this blog as a form of therapy for myself. It allows me to express my thoughts and topics on issues that I know other people think about. I had no idea that other people would be interested in reading what I write. I say all that to say...I'm not going to quit my job(at least not yet) to become a professional blogger, but when I have a bad day at work(which turns out to be pretty much everyday) sharing my thoughts and feelings with you all makes me feel better. What more can I say?

Life is too short! Do whatever makes you happy and push all that doubt and negativity our of your head. I honestly believe that life is all about choices...we all have the right to do what makes us happy but it's up to you to make that happen. I challenge everyone reading this to find that one thing(might be more but I like to start slow lol) that makes you happy and go for it! Stop thinking about it and JUST DO IT!!

That's all folks!

"Relationship? Why Would He Do That?"

Are women making it too easy for men these days? I ask that question because I'm really confused. (lol) It seems like these days men don't even think about having a monogamous relationship. I'm starting to believe that they think if they view you as being the "main chick" you should be content with that. Really? When did this become ok? I'm just saying...There was a time when a relationship meant one man being with one woman. Now, you have men, and some women, that make it perfectly clear that you are number one but there are a few others on the side. Some of you may be shaking your heads right now, but you know I'm telling the truth.

Seriously, even though we say to ourselves "I would never allow a man to do me that way" or "If I can't be the only one in your life I don't want to be with you at all" can you honestly say that you've never considered being in a "fake relationship" just for the sake of being alone? Man I tell ya, when that loneliness kicks in you start having some strange thoughts. (lol) Sometimes we enter into the position of the "main chick" thinking we can change the man and persuade him into making us the only woman...WRONG! A man will not change until he's good and damn ready and if you go into it knowing what it is and what it's going to be...it's hard to turn that into a positive for you. He will forever use the famous line of "well you knew I didn't want a commitment when you started dealing with me" and of course then we have to comeback with "Yes, but I thought things would change!" Why did you think that? Have you ever heard the famous phrase "Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free" Sure you have! Well why commit when you can have all the benefits of a relationship without ever actually having to be in a relationship? Make sense now? I just don't understand how some women pride themselves in being the "main girl".....If he's dealing with both or all of them wouldn't they all be considered the "side chick"? Let me know...I can be slow at times! (lol) I can speak from experience when I say that even though in the beginning you may have an "understanding", unless you are an all out whore, which I'm sure is not the case, it is just a matter of time before that "understanding" goes completely out the door. Just be careful!

I guess what I'm trying to say to all my single ladies is this....DON"T SETTLE! You're beautiful...you're self worth is priceless and there is someone out there that will recognize that sooner or later! When they look at you and only you, they will see love and that my dear is well worth the wait!

Until next time....

A Special Thanks to Dr. Booker T. Washington....

This past weekend I attended the Homecoming of my Alma Mater..Tuskegee University! I become excited everytime I think about all the young, educated African-American males and females that were together in one place showing mad love towards one another. My experience at Skegee was priceless...I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Of course, there are certain things that I probably should've done differently, but everything happens for a reason...right? (lol)  I was amazed at how some people hadn't changed at all, but on the hand, there were some people that had done a complete 180...now that was funny.  I certainly saw a few people that made me think to myself  "What the hell was I thinking? Why did I not talk to him?" (lol)  But I only pondered for about 2 minutes...then I got over it!

I have several friends that did not attend an HBCU and I joke with them all the time that they missed out on a life-changing experience. Now don't get it twisted...Skegee definitely had her flaws! Having no lights or air during the middle of the summer in 110 degree weather.....running from roaches that were the size of a child.... standing in the registration line for hours at a time and then having to deal with attitudes from Registrar....BUT I honestly believe that having to endure those things changed me for the better.

 When I entered in as a freshman, I had life all fucked  oops... messed up! lol I really thought the world revolved around me and nothing else mattered. Materialistic was not the word for me...actually I don't have a word that could really describe my attitude back then. I came from a place where everyone had the same look, the same way of thinking....basically just on some dumb ish! The sad part is some people are still on the same thing they were on back then...absolutely no growth. Skegee saved my life! lol No, but seriously, I was introduced to so many different types of people and so many different ways of thinking. It felt so good to be able to walk down the street and speak to 30 people without ever knowing their name, but it didn't matter! On any given day you could hear dialogue from the West Coast, the Midwest, the East Coast, the Bahamas...that's crazy! From..."What up Joe?" to "That's Hella Crazy" to What's Good Son?" Man, y'all got me over here really reminiscing! (lol) This weekend brought back a lot of those memories and for that I am thankful. I am thankful for the friendships and bonds that were developed that will forever remain regardless of distance or time. I am thankful for my TUSKEGEE EXPERIENCE!

That is all....

When Is it Time To Let Go?

My mother always told me to never go backwards in a relationship....I SHOULD'VE LISTENED! Seriously, why do we always end up going back even though we know the situation is bad for us? Why is it so hard to let go? Sometimes when we are involved with a person for a substantial amount of time, we feel that we have invested too much time to walk away. But does that really make sense? Hmmmm..

It's so funny to me how we can say so many times,"I'm done!" but we see that person or receive a phone call or text and it's back on! Whatever happened to "Just say no"? (lol) But seriously, I think we as women, and I won't leave out the brothas, have to understand that it has to be over in your heart as well as your mind for it to REALLY be over. We can say all day that we are done with an individual but if you're heart is still in it...you're not done. You have to be totally at peace with the situation for it to be over. The key to letting go is TIME! Don't rush it. If you want to continue to do the back and forth thing because you still have hopes that things will change...do it! No one should judge you for wanting to do that. It's ok to take the advice of your friends(I do it all the time lol) but at the end of day let the decision be yours and yours only. Letting go is hard but one thing that I know to be true..when you're done, you're done and there is nothing anyone can say or do to change your mind. Sometimes it takes getting tired and fed up with a situaion in order for you to leave.

I decided to do this post because I've seen so many situations(including my own)where individuals have wasted so much time and energy on someone that didn't deserve them in the first place. But because they were in love with the person they didn't want to let go. They didn't want to let go of that hope that one day things would change and they would live happily ever after. Not saying that's impossible but you can't force it. If something is meant to be it will be and if that person is meant for you, they will come back to you. Now, whether or not you take them back is all on you! (lol) But to all my beautiful people, love yourself first and foremost and everything else will fall in place.

Until next time....