Brokenhearted...

On this rainy Sunday morning at 1:02am, I am experiencing how it feels to have a broken heart. My heart is broken because I finally realized that the person that I loved never really loved me. And of course, I blame myself for dealing with the bs for so long and making excuses for him and the dumb things that he said and did. I had myself believing that I couldn't be happy with anyone if that person wasn't him. And the sad part is the fact that I know my self-worth...I know I'm a beautiful person inside and out....I know I deserve all the happiness that my heart can hold BUT love is an interesting thing. It will have you doing and saying things that are totally out of character. Trust me...I know. I tried to walk away so many times...each time I stayed away a little longer than the time before. Unfortunately, it doesn't matter if you stay away for a year, if your not completely over the situation in your heart, time doesn't matter. But what I can't understand is if you know you don't love a person and you can't give them what they want or need, why continue to place yourself in their life? That's the part that really upsets me. In my world where humans reside, it is not ok to tell a person that you don't want a relationship but you still want some of the benefits of being in a relationship. Really? When did this become acceptable? But that goes back to a post I did awhile back regarding women making it to easy for men when it comes to relationships.

My mother always told me that love isn't always easy, sometimes it takes putting up a fight if it's someone that you really want and I believe that. But you know what, you also have to know when to throw in the towel. You have to know when to say "I tried but enough is enough". Never love someone so much that you lose site of self in the process. I've said this so many times but I feel it's necessary to say it again....Love is an action. If you choose to say to someone "I love you" please be ready to put some action behind those words. If you know you can't, don't say those words until you know deep down in your heart that is truly how you feel and you are ready to show and prove each day that God gives you life. Some people don't realize the value that those three little words hold. You must admit, when that special someone utters those three words, a feeling comes over you that is undescribable. But when that person continues to say those words but their actions are the complete opposite, that's a feeling that I would't wish on my worst enemy.

The one thing that makes me happy about this entire situation is the fact that I know it wasn't in vain. I know that God would never take me through something that He didn't think I could handle. Every situation that has ever caused me hurt or pain has always made me a stronger person. In everything that I go through I learn from it and the knowledge that I gain is priceless. So, to anyone that may be going through a similiar situation or anyone that is going through a tough time, know that what you thought you lost is nothing compared to what God has in store for you...and it's right around the corner. Just be patient......

Thanks for listening....Goodnight.

"I Think I Love Him...Oh Nevermind...He's White" Part I

Lately I've been having some heated discussions regarding interracial dating. This topic is very interesting to me and can often be viewed as controversial. Everyone has their reason(s) as to why black and white people people should not race mix when it comes to relationships. Let's look deeper into the reason as to why we shouldn't. Is it because society says it's not "right"? Or is it because you feel that you will be perceived as a traitor who has turned his/her back on your own people? Or is it because you have been told my your peers that you couldn't possibly have anything in common with "them"?  These are just a few of the thoughts that I believe have crossed the mind of almost every black person that has ever considered dating a white person. However, I've had some people tell me that they have no problem with interracial dating but the buck stops there...no marriage, no kids. Huh? If that's the case why even date? I mean, what if you decide that you really like this person? What would you tell him/her? "I like you and you're cool but I can't get too involved because you're white..." Ok...moving on....

 Let me ask you this....have you ever wondered why you see more black men with white women and less black women with white men?  Everyone has their theory on why this happens...it could be because white women are thought to be more passive or it could be the fact that some black men have a "color complex" and often times light skinned black women just aren't light enough. Or what about this one...."black women have never supported me" I could go on and on but I have my own theory and it's quite simple. Black men don't analyze shit the way we do...simple as that. A woman is a woman....Black, Latino, Asian, etc. Whatever! Now, I'm not saying that all brothas think like this but I have come in contact with far too many that do. So, here's my question...why do we("we" meaning black women) limit ourselves on the possibility of finding love because we are afraid of how we might be perceived by society. Now, wait a minute, don't get your panties in a wad..(lol) Some women just aren't attracted to white men and they feel they have nothing in common...they still have hopes of finding their strong, black man that they feel was created for just for them and they don't intend on giving up until they find him...that's what's up! Ok, so does that mean that we should stop complaining that we're single? I'm just wondering if we thought outside the box for a minute and explored other options, would more of us be married? But then again, I don't care if he's black, white, red or yellow....ignorance is universal and the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I'm just saying....

This is a subject that I could talk about for days but I'll leave you with this....I personally have thought about dating outside my race but that doesn't mean that I don't have a deep love for my brothas( a VERY deep love) lol. I'm just saying that maybe it's time for me to start thinking outside the box and exploring other options but that's a BIG HUGE MAYBE! lol. But I would never judge someone because they found love and it just happened to be someone of the opposite race. I support finding true love...point blank period.

To be continued....

Oh and please share your thoughts on this subject! I'm interested to hear how you all feel about this....

No Resolutions...Just a Few Changes

10 Things I Challenge You to Do in 2010....

1. Be True to Yourself!.....Dont Be a Pretender, It's Not a Good Look.

2. Love Yourself!.......If You Don't Then Who Will?

3. Say "I Love You" to at least one Person per Day.......Spreading Love Heals the Heart!

4. Give off Positive Energy.......What You Give is What You Receive!

5. Take Care of Your Body....Your Body is Your Temple, Don't Abuse It.

6. Leave the Words "Can't" and "But" Out of Your Vocabulary...WINNERS Don't Use These Words!

7. Give Back.....Your Community Needs You.

8. Find Your Passion in Life.....Now You're On the Right Path To Knowing Your Purpose.

9. Travel to Places You've Never Been.....Thank me Later!

and lastly.... the  MOST IMPORTANT of them all...

10. PRAY and MEDITATE!....This Leads to Peace and Peace Leads To HAPPINESS

I don't have any resolutions this year but there are a few things I am taking the necessary steps to change. The 10 things that you read above are things that I am challenging myself to do in my own personal life and I challenge you to do the same.

Happy New Year!

Until Next Time...

Where Did the L.O.V.E Go?

"We were given: Two hands to hold. To legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find." -Unknown

When I was younger, my grandmother would always say "Baby, the love will come...as long as he's paying the bills you stay right there..." Really Granny?? (May her sweet soul rest in peace) But seriously, a lot of older women and some young women, still say things like this and really believe everything that what they are saying is true! And the one that I hate the most..."Make sure he loves you more than you love him" Now, how does that really make sense? My mother would tell me that all the time and for a minute I started believing her.  I mean, I honestly started thinking...are all the couples that I see together really meant to be together or did they just settle for each other because they couldn't be with the person that they really wanted? Should I just settle for the man that loves me more than I love him(if I love him at all...)?? I try to look at everything, for the most part, from a logical standpoint and I just don't see the logic in being with someone that loves and cares for me more than I love and care for him. Isn't that sort of selfish? Shouldn't he have the right to be with the person that does have those same feelings for him? But would he love her as much as he loves me? Or would he even love her at all? See what I'm saying? Is anyone with who they really want to be with? The unfortunate twist to any relationship is that one person may feel as if you they've found their soulmate but the other person may not feel that way.

I'm single for a reason....it's quite simple...I just haven't found the right man. Now some would ask the question, is the "right one" really out there? I believe so, the RIGHT one for me, that is! If I just wanted to be with any 'ole Joe Schmo that wouldn't be a problem, but I want to be with that person that loves me as much as I love him. Am I crazy to believe that I still have an opportunity to find love? I don't know...maybe, maybe not. Should I just be with someone based on what they can do for me and learn to love them over time? What if I never learn to love that person?? I guess that's the risk I'm suppose to take...NOT! So many times I hear women talking about how much money a man has or his social status,but what happens if he loses all of that? Will you still love him? What if the material things no longer exist?? Could you still see yourself "learning" to love him? I honestly believe that these are all valid questions. I just can't see myself being with someone solely on the basis of what he can do for me or how HE feels about ME. Ok, so he cares about me, I'm flattered. But if my heart's not in it there is nothing that he can do for me or say to me that will make me change my mind. Once again, this might sound crazy to some but hey, I'm entitled to my own opinion.

I just believe that we now live in a world of convenience where more and more relationships and marriages are being treated as business deals...nothing more, nothing less. Where did the love go? Lord help us all! Anyway...this is my point.....don't give up on true love. And when I say that I mean that undying love that exist between a man and a woman. Don't allow yourself to believe that you should settle for less than what you deserve...not cool. Don't allow someone to tell you to find someone that loves you more than you love them...there should be a balance in your relationship. There is nothing worse than having someone tell you that they love you and you have to struggle to say those words back to them. I know what it feels like to say those words when the feeling isn't really there....worst feeling ever. Just a little food for thought...

Until next time....

Why Do Men Cheat??...The REAL Reason(s)

This whole Tiger Woods fiasco really has me thinking....what is the real reason why men cheat? Is it because of some type of mental imbalance or is it simply because they become bored being with one woman? I know this is the million dollar question to which all women want to know the answer but this topic is very intriguing to me. Why do men cheat? Ok, so Tiger had not only one woman on the side, but he had like 10 other women!! Who does that? I mean, why get married? No, seriously. If you know you love women, why get married or get in a relationship and make someone's life miserable by cheating on her. Make no sense to me!

Now, clearly Tiger lost himself out there and the fact that he surrounded himself by such individuals as Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley doesn't say much for him. Jordan's ex-wife, Juanita, received $168 million in their divorce settlement...I'll just take a wild guess and say that it probably would've been cheaper to keep her...but that's just me. But let's forget about the money for a minute(well at least try). Why risk losing your family and jeopardizing your intergrity for a piece of ass?? I just don't get it! Can someone please explain? I was just using Tiger as an example because he was risking a lot more than the average man simply because of who he is, but let's discuss the average man. You know, the guy that goes to work everyday or "hustles" to make a living. Let's talk about him. Now, from a logical standpoint I would think that it would be much easier to be single and just date several women rather than being in a relationship or getting married and having to keep up with lies that you will be forced to tell. But there again....that's just me. However, I've talked to several men that admit to cheating and this is what they tell me...you ready for this? They love their girlfriend/wife and they know that's who they want to be with, but sometimes when it's right in front of you it's hard to say no. Huh? So, you're a grown ass man with no self-control? Oh ok. That's that bullshit! Ok, so my question still stands....why commit?? If you love that person like you say you do, why risk hurting them? I'm a woman but I can only speak for myself when I say that I would much rather a man love me and respect me enough to tell that he's just not ready to commit versus him being with me and CHEATING! Negative! The worst thing you can do is cheat on me and then tell me..."but I love you girl" Love should've brought your ass home last night...ha! I always wanted to say that! But really, how do love someone and be dishonest at the same time? How does that work? I know love and relationships can be a little tricky but damn...some things should just be common sense. Maybe I'm being naive, who knows!

I know this is a very interesting topic but I really want feedback from my brothas! Fill your girl in and let me know the real...I'm waiting! lol

Until next time....

My Test of Faith...

I haven't posted anything on here in awhile..I missed writing! I know most of my posts usually have to do with love and relationships but this time I felt compelled to change it up a bit. Most recently I haven't been feeling very well, partly due to stress(Note: Stress can kill you!). I was experiencing chest pains, shortness of breath, and many other symptoms that lead me to believe I was dying!(Dramatic..I know) I had to go to the ER twice and no one could tell me anything...talk about scared. Actually, scared may not be the best word....I was petrified! But, let me start from the beginning..it all started after I went to the doctor and she told me that she saw some blockage in my heart...WTH? Blockage? I'm only 27 years old and I exercise on a regular basis...ok, so my diet isn't the best but it's not the worst. Anyway, she referred me to a cardiologist just to make sure it wasnt anything serious. The first thought that came to my mind was "I'm too young to die!" There are so many things I haven't accomplished! But, age has nothing to at all to do with it. Of course, when I left her office and I got in my car, I started crying. I didn't know what else to do!  Moving on...I scheduled an appointment with the cardiologist and they ran all these tests on me to make sure that there was nothing seriously wrong with my heart or lungs. They noticed that my pulmonary artery was enlarged but he assured me that it was nothing to worry about. I promise I have never in my life prayed the way I've prayed in the last couple of weeks. I didn't want to talk to anybody but God because I knew He was the only one that could bring me through this. I knew this was a test of my faith and I wasn't going to allow the devil to take over my mind or my body.

When all this was happening, I started to think about what was really important. I thought about all the people in my life that I love and cherish. I can only speak for myself when I say that it took something like this to open my eyes to life and what matters the most. Life is too short to worry about things that don't matter or those things that we cannot change. I had a habit of dwelling on the past...I couldn't help it! I often wondered why things turned out a certain way or what I couldn've done to change the outcome. Who does that?? ME! What I had to realize is the past is the past and that's that. The present and the future are the only two moments of time that I should care about. One thing is for sure...my relationship with God is much stronger and this has truly shown me that with Him by side I can handle anything that the devil throws my way. I know that I am truly blessed and right now my happiness and good health mean more to me than anything.

I thought I would keep it short and simple with this one...lol

Thanks for listening....

Happiness.......What's the True Meaning?

Have you ever just been TIRED? No, I mean really TIRED, just FED UP!! Well, I think, scratch that, I know I'm at that point. I'm sitting here now with red eyes from restlessness and my night isn't even over. Wow! Between school, a stressful job, not to mention LIFE in general, I don't know how much more I can take! No, I'm not contemplating suicide(lol) I love myself too much! And I know this is the story of millions but why is that? Why is it that we don't take enough time for ourselves to do the things that really make us happy. Wait, do we even know what it is that makes us happy? I mean really, don't fake the funk, be real with me. We spend so much time and money getting these degrees in professions that half of us are unhappy with. That may not be the case with everyone, but that's for damn sure the case with me. But does that really make sense? I'm just saying. Think about what really makes you happy. That thing that makes you smile and gets you excited everytime you think about doing it. Now, the downside to this is that whatever "that thing" might be, you may not be able to turn that into a profession that makes you the money to carry on the lifestyle that you are used to having. What to do?! Do you just continue on with your unhappy existence or do you make a move to do something about it? No, I'm not telling you to up and quit your job, that's not a smart move if you don't have a Plan B.(lol) But I am telling you to find what makes you happy. For instance, when I started this blog there people that thought I was joking(including my mother) because they had no idea I could write.(lol) The funny thing is that I started this blog as a form of therapy for myself. It allows me to express my thoughts and topics on issues that I know other people think about. I had no idea that other people would be interested in reading what I write. I say all that to say...I'm not going to quit my job(at least not yet) to become a professional blogger, but when I have a bad day at work(which turns out to be pretty much everyday) sharing my thoughts and feelings with you all makes me feel better. What more can I say?

Life is too short! Do whatever makes you happy and push all that doubt and negativity our of your head. I honestly believe that life is all about choices...we all have the right to do what makes us happy but it's up to you to make that happen. I challenge everyone reading this to find that one thing(might be more but I like to start slow lol) that makes you happy and go for it! Stop thinking about it and JUST DO IT!!

That's all folks!