My Heart Or My Mind?? Which One is Right??

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the mind cannot understand.
-- Robert Valett

Ahh yes, that great struggle between your heart and mind...don't you love it? Ok, maybe not! If you're anything like me you try your hardest to go against your heart because you know that your mind just might be telling you the right the things to do. But is it that really the case? Of course your mind, in most cases, is going to make the logical decision but when did love become logical? Is it safe to listen to your mind over your heart when it comes to love? Are you taking a gamble by going against your heart? A lot of questions, huh? I can't help it, I'm inquisitive. But here's my opinion....I think it's hard to go against what you're heart really wants. For me, it's really difficult because while my mind is saying "Are you really going to go through with that? You're an idiot!" my heart is saying "Awww...it's ok honey!! What's a life that has never experienced love?" Yea yea yea...blah blah blah. But the hardest thing to deal with is when you listen to your heart and you end up going through that phase of regret. But should we really regret any decision that we make when it comes to love? How will we ever find love if we never put ourselves out there? Of course you're taking a risk but isn't that a part of being in love? I'm just asking! This battle between heart and mind is intense! These are all valid questions that you should ask yourself.

I struggle with putting up a front to hide what I'm truly feeling, but you have to be careful when doing this...it can get you in BIG trouble. One truism in life my friend, you can only lie to yourself for so long when the heart is involved. When you see that person and you start feeling the "butterflies in your stomach" and your heart starts beating at a rapid pace....everything that you have told yourself in your mind goes completely out the window! It almost as if at that moment your heart whispers, "Gotcha!" What to do?!! Do you forget about what you've chanted in your head a thousand times or do you go with your heart? I guess that's a decision we all have to make for ourselves. I just don't believe that there is a straightforward, right or wrong answer when it comes to love and relationships. The shit just doesn't make sense sometimes, that is the frustrating part. But the one thing I will tell you is that sometimes you have to step back and stop trying to control the situation. A very close friend of mine once told me "you can't hide from love forever.." and she was so right. You can tell yourself all day that you need to let go of a situation but until your heart catches up with your mind you can forget about it.
 
I said all that you to say this.... there will always be a battle between your heart and mind. It is totally up to you when it comes to deciding which one to follow. However, what you keep telling yourself in your mind might seem like the right thing to do, but what seems right might not always be right....remember that. When making decisions about love and relationships you have to be real with yourself first and foremost, that's the key. Don't allow your stubbornness to leave you lonely and thinking "what if.." Trust me when I tell you...that's not a good feeling. Basically, just do what makes you happy and you'll never have any regrets!

Until next time....

Brokenhearted...

On this rainy Sunday morning at 1:02am, I am experiencing how it feels to have a broken heart. My heart is broken because I finally realized that the person that I loved never really loved me. And of course, I blame myself for dealing with the bs for so long and making excuses for him and the dumb things that he said and did. I had myself believing that I couldn't be happy with anyone if that person wasn't him. And the sad part is the fact that I know my self-worth...I know I'm a beautiful person inside and out....I know I deserve all the happiness that my heart can hold BUT love is an interesting thing. It will have you doing and saying things that are totally out of character. Trust me...I know. I tried to walk away so many times...each time I stayed away a little longer than the time before. Unfortunately, it doesn't matter if you stay away for a year, if your not completely over the situation in your heart, time doesn't matter. But what I can't understand is if you know you don't love a person and you can't give them what they want or need, why continue to place yourself in their life? That's the part that really upsets me. In my world where humans reside, it is not ok to tell a person that you don't want a relationship but you still want some of the benefits of being in a relationship. Really? When did this become acceptable? But that goes back to a post I did awhile back regarding women making it to easy for men when it comes to relationships.

My mother always told me that love isn't always easy, sometimes it takes putting up a fight if it's someone that you really want and I believe that. But you know what, you also have to know when to throw in the towel. You have to know when to say "I tried but enough is enough". Never love someone so much that you lose site of self in the process. I've said this so many times but I feel it's necessary to say it again....Love is an action. If you choose to say to someone "I love you" please be ready to put some action behind those words. If you know you can't, don't say those words until you know deep down in your heart that is truly how you feel and you are ready to show and prove each day that God gives you life. Some people don't realize the value that those three little words hold. You must admit, when that special someone utters those three words, a feeling comes over you that is undescribable. But when that person continues to say those words but their actions are the complete opposite, that's a feeling that I would't wish on my worst enemy.

The one thing that makes me happy about this entire situation is the fact that I know it wasn't in vain. I know that God would never take me through something that He didn't think I could handle. Every situation that has ever caused me hurt or pain has always made me a stronger person. In everything that I go through I learn from it and the knowledge that I gain is priceless. So, to anyone that may be going through a similiar situation or anyone that is going through a tough time, know that what you thought you lost is nothing compared to what God has in store for you...and it's right around the corner. Just be patient......

Thanks for listening....Goodnight.

Where Did the L.O.V.E Go?

"We were given: Two hands to hold. To legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find." -Unknown

When I was younger, my grandmother would always say "Baby, the love will come...as long as he's paying the bills you stay right there..." Really Granny?? (May her sweet soul rest in peace) But seriously, a lot of older women and some young women, still say things like this and really believe everything that what they are saying is true! And the one that I hate the most..."Make sure he loves you more than you love him" Now, how does that really make sense? My mother would tell me that all the time and for a minute I started believing her.  I mean, I honestly started thinking...are all the couples that I see together really meant to be together or did they just settle for each other because they couldn't be with the person that they really wanted? Should I just settle for the man that loves me more than I love him(if I love him at all...)?? I try to look at everything, for the most part, from a logical standpoint and I just don't see the logic in being with someone that loves and cares for me more than I love and care for him. Isn't that sort of selfish? Shouldn't he have the right to be with the person that does have those same feelings for him? But would he love her as much as he loves me? Or would he even love her at all? See what I'm saying? Is anyone with who they really want to be with? The unfortunate twist to any relationship is that one person may feel as if you they've found their soulmate but the other person may not feel that way.

I'm single for a reason....it's quite simple...I just haven't found the right man. Now some would ask the question, is the "right one" really out there? I believe so, the RIGHT one for me, that is! If I just wanted to be with any 'ole Joe Schmo that wouldn't be a problem, but I want to be with that person that loves me as much as I love him. Am I crazy to believe that I still have an opportunity to find love? I don't know...maybe, maybe not. Should I just be with someone based on what they can do for me and learn to love them over time? What if I never learn to love that person?? I guess that's the risk I'm suppose to take...NOT! So many times I hear women talking about how much money a man has or his social status,but what happens if he loses all of that? Will you still love him? What if the material things no longer exist?? Could you still see yourself "learning" to love him? I honestly believe that these are all valid questions. I just can't see myself being with someone solely on the basis of what he can do for me or how HE feels about ME. Ok, so he cares about me, I'm flattered. But if my heart's not in it there is nothing that he can do for me or say to me that will make me change my mind. Once again, this might sound crazy to some but hey, I'm entitled to my own opinion.

I just believe that we now live in a world of convenience where more and more relationships and marriages are being treated as business deals...nothing more, nothing less. Where did the love go? Lord help us all! Anyway...this is my point.....don't give up on true love. And when I say that I mean that undying love that exist between a man and a woman. Don't allow yourself to believe that you should settle for less than what you deserve...not cool. Don't allow someone to tell you to find someone that loves you more than you love them...there should be a balance in your relationship. There is nothing worse than having someone tell you that they love you and you have to struggle to say those words back to them. I know what it feels like to say those words when the feeling isn't really there....worst feeling ever. Just a little food for thought...

Until next time....

"Relationship? Why Would He Do That?"

Are women making it too easy for men these days? I ask that question because I'm really confused. (lol) It seems like these days men don't even think about having a monogamous relationship. I'm starting to believe that they think if they view you as being the "main chick" you should be content with that. Really? When did this become ok? I'm just saying...There was a time when a relationship meant one man being with one woman. Now, you have men, and some women, that make it perfectly clear that you are number one but there are a few others on the side. Some of you may be shaking your heads right now, but you know I'm telling the truth.

Seriously, even though we say to ourselves "I would never allow a man to do me that way" or "If I can't be the only one in your life I don't want to be with you at all" can you honestly say that you've never considered being in a "fake relationship" just for the sake of being alone? Man I tell ya, when that loneliness kicks in you start having some strange thoughts. (lol) Sometimes we enter into the position of the "main chick" thinking we can change the man and persuade him into making us the only woman...WRONG! A man will not change until he's good and damn ready and if you go into it knowing what it is and what it's going to be...it's hard to turn that into a positive for you. He will forever use the famous line of "well you knew I didn't want a commitment when you started dealing with me" and of course then we have to comeback with "Yes, but I thought things would change!" Why did you think that? Have you ever heard the famous phrase "Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free" Sure you have! Well why commit when you can have all the benefits of a relationship without ever actually having to be in a relationship? Make sense now? I just don't understand how some women pride themselves in being the "main girl".....If he's dealing with both or all of them wouldn't they all be considered the "side chick"? Let me know...I can be slow at times! (lol) I can speak from experience when I say that even though in the beginning you may have an "understanding", unless you are an all out whore, which I'm sure is not the case, it is just a matter of time before that "understanding" goes completely out the door. Just be careful!

I guess what I'm trying to say to all my single ladies is this....DON"T SETTLE! You're beautiful...you're self worth is priceless and there is someone out there that will recognize that sooner or later! When they look at you and only you, they will see love and that my dear is well worth the wait!

Until next time....

What's it going to be? A Situation or a Relationship?

So, I should be studying but I have something on my mind right now and I felt compelled to write about it. Lately, I've been hearing a lot of people say that they are in a "situation". Now, when I think of a "situation", I'm thinking hostage takeover(but that's just me....lol). At what point does a relationship turn into a situation? Did the word "relationship" go out of style and I didn't get the memo? Let me know!

True Story: I'm at the gym and this guy approaches me and strikes up a conversation. He wasn't too hard on the eyes so I continued to converse with him which lead to him asking for my number. I spoke with him a couple of times on the phone and he seemed to be really cool. So, one night, while talking on the phone with my best friend, I coincidentally ran across a picture of him on Facebook..(I promise I wasn't even looking for the pictures...lol) To make a long story short, the woman in the picture with him was his wife! This man never wore a ring or gave off any signs that he could be possibly married! When I asked him about it he said that they have an "open relationship" and it's just a "complicated situation". He actually referred to his MARRIAGE as a "situation"! Needless to say, I no longer talk to him.

I just don't understand how you can live with someone, have sex with him/her, tell that person that you love them and call it a "situation"....I'm confused. There are a couple of ways that the word situation can be defined. One way in which it can be defined is "a critical or unusual difficulty"...Huh? As an adult I can't imagine being with someone and viewing my relationship as "a critical or unusual difficulty" but because I don't want to hurt that persons feelings or be alone I decide to stay just for the hell of it. Does that make sense? Not really..but I'm a little different so you can't go by what I think. If somewhere along the lines you realize that you no longer want to be with your mate...why not express those feelings? I was always told that honesty is the best policy! But noooo...it's just easier to change your title to a "situation". WOW!

I totally understand being with a person and getting to a point in the relationship where you just don't know if you want to go any further. I also understand being in that in-between stage where you're "talking" but it hasn't quite developed into a relationship...I get all that! But what I don't understand is how you be with someone for X amount of years and you refer to it as a "situation". I just wish think we live in a society of convenience. We would rather be in a convenient situation than leave a messed up relationship. I don't know..that's just my two cents.


Thanks for listening!

Will I Ever Find My Mr. Right????????????

I'm getting scared people!(lol) Seriously, are there any women out there that feel me when I say that I think I will forever be single? I mean, really, think about it...who's to say that everyone is going to find the RIGHT person and get married? If I never find MR. RIGHT, am I supposed to just settle for MR. OK? My mother and sister constantly question me about why I'm single. They feel it's because I'm picky...THERE IS NO TRUTH IN THAT ASSUMPTION!(lol) I don't have a problem dating men with kids even though I don't have kids...**Disclaimer**BUT, if the child is under the age of 3 I might have to say no just for the simple fact that he is probably still involved with his child's mother..ijs. I don't have a problem dating a man without a degree. In fact, some of the brothers I know with a degree are so hard to deal with because they are so caught up on the fact that they have one and they feel that they are the last of a dying breed...Whew!(deep breath)Looks are the last of my worries at this point, well not the last, but you know what I mean. Really, I'm so simple and all I ask for is honesty, respect and a little communication...is that too much to ask for? So, again I ask myself..what's the problem? Am I just one of those people that is meant to be single? I was talking to my best friend last night and once again, we had a loooong conversation about men and their problems. I know so many guys that just can't be honest for the life of them. Much respect to those men out there that know how to keep it real even if they risk hurting the girls feelings. I would rather you hurt my feelings than allow me to fall for you knowing you're leading a double life...not a good look. I'm a big girl..I can take it!

I'm afraid that I'm becoming a cynic in regards to love. Don't get me wrong, I know it exist but I just don't think it exist in my world. I don't want to be the old lady on the porch with a lot of cats.(lol) Ok, maybe that was a little too far to the left, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone and at the rate I'm going, it's not looking good. Should I just prepare myself mentally in the case that this happens? Chile, it's gettin serious! But, then again all I can do is have faith that my time will come.

Until next time....

Love Makes the World Go 'Round.....

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You
I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.
I love you only because it's you the one I love;I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.
Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel Ray, stealing my key to true calm.
In this part of the story I am the one whoDies,
the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood. -Pablo Neruda

Whew! That was deep! This is a poem that I can read over and over again and feel as if it was written just for me. It captures all the feelings that I have inside. Love is a powerful emotion. One minute you can feel as though you are floating in the clouds and the next minute you feel like you're life is going to end. Some would say that "love is like a drug" but really, for some individuals, this can turn out to be true. Check out this article from cnn.com:

http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/conditions/02/14/science.of.love/

I've fallen in love, out of love and back in love again.(lol) It's a feeling that words can't describe. A feeling that only you can experience for yourself. Anyone that knows me, knows that Love Jones is my favorite movie of all times. I joke all the time that I'm waiting to find my Darius Lovehall. Ha! But seriously, I believe this movie depicts a REAL relationship. Sometimes it's not going to make sense. You're not going to be happy 100% of the time. However, the bad times should never outweigh the good. When two people love each other, they are willing to fight to make it work. Compromise! For instance, if you're in a long distance relationship, that could mean moving out of you're comfort zone in order to make it work with your mate. And PLEASE understand that love is also an action. You can't just say it and leave it at that. Put some action behind those words! Give it a try...do something out of the norm. I can almost guarantee success!

At this very moment I'm missing someone that I love dearly, but I had to let go. Right now I feel as though I lost the fight. Do I still love him? Yes. Does he love me? Yes. But, like I said before, sometimes it doesn't make sense. Maybe right now isn't the time for us but I'm content with knowing that I experienced true love. And that my dear, is priceless.

Until next time......