My Heart Or My Mind?? Which One is Right??

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the mind cannot understand.
-- Robert Valett

Ahh yes, that great struggle between your heart and mind...don't you love it? Ok, maybe not! If you're anything like me you try your hardest to go against your heart because you know that your mind just might be telling you the right the things to do. But is it that really the case? Of course your mind, in most cases, is going to make the logical decision but when did love become logical? Is it safe to listen to your mind over your heart when it comes to love? Are you taking a gamble by going against your heart? A lot of questions, huh? I can't help it, I'm inquisitive. But here's my opinion....I think it's hard to go against what you're heart really wants. For me, it's really difficult because while my mind is saying "Are you really going to go through with that? You're an idiot!" my heart is saying "Awww...it's ok honey!! What's a life that has never experienced love?" Yea yea yea...blah blah blah. But the hardest thing to deal with is when you listen to your heart and you end up going through that phase of regret. But should we really regret any decision that we make when it comes to love? How will we ever find love if we never put ourselves out there? Of course you're taking a risk but isn't that a part of being in love? I'm just asking! This battle between heart and mind is intense! These are all valid questions that you should ask yourself.

I struggle with putting up a front to hide what I'm truly feeling, but you have to be careful when doing this...it can get you in BIG trouble. One truism in life my friend, you can only lie to yourself for so long when the heart is involved. When you see that person and you start feeling the "butterflies in your stomach" and your heart starts beating at a rapid pace....everything that you have told yourself in your mind goes completely out the window! It almost as if at that moment your heart whispers, "Gotcha!" What to do?!! Do you forget about what you've chanted in your head a thousand times or do you go with your heart? I guess that's a decision we all have to make for ourselves. I just don't believe that there is a straightforward, right or wrong answer when it comes to love and relationships. The shit just doesn't make sense sometimes, that is the frustrating part. But the one thing I will tell you is that sometimes you have to step back and stop trying to control the situation. A very close friend of mine once told me "you can't hide from love forever.." and she was so right. You can tell yourself all day that you need to let go of a situation but until your heart catches up with your mind you can forget about it.
 
I said all that you to say this.... there will always be a battle between your heart and mind. It is totally up to you when it comes to deciding which one to follow. However, what you keep telling yourself in your mind might seem like the right thing to do, but what seems right might not always be right....remember that. When making decisions about love and relationships you have to be real with yourself first and foremost, that's the key. Don't allow your stubbornness to leave you lonely and thinking "what if.." Trust me when I tell you...that's not a good feeling. Basically, just do what makes you happy and you'll never have any regrets!

Until next time....

Where Did the L.O.V.E Go?

"We were given: Two hands to hold. To legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find." -Unknown

When I was younger, my grandmother would always say "Baby, the love will come...as long as he's paying the bills you stay right there..." Really Granny?? (May her sweet soul rest in peace) But seriously, a lot of older women and some young women, still say things like this and really believe everything that what they are saying is true! And the one that I hate the most..."Make sure he loves you more than you love him" Now, how does that really make sense? My mother would tell me that all the time and for a minute I started believing her.  I mean, I honestly started thinking...are all the couples that I see together really meant to be together or did they just settle for each other because they couldn't be with the person that they really wanted? Should I just settle for the man that loves me more than I love him(if I love him at all...)?? I try to look at everything, for the most part, from a logical standpoint and I just don't see the logic in being with someone that loves and cares for me more than I love and care for him. Isn't that sort of selfish? Shouldn't he have the right to be with the person that does have those same feelings for him? But would he love her as much as he loves me? Or would he even love her at all? See what I'm saying? Is anyone with who they really want to be with? The unfortunate twist to any relationship is that one person may feel as if you they've found their soulmate but the other person may not feel that way.

I'm single for a reason....it's quite simple...I just haven't found the right man. Now some would ask the question, is the "right one" really out there? I believe so, the RIGHT one for me, that is! If I just wanted to be with any 'ole Joe Schmo that wouldn't be a problem, but I want to be with that person that loves me as much as I love him. Am I crazy to believe that I still have an opportunity to find love? I don't know...maybe, maybe not. Should I just be with someone based on what they can do for me and learn to love them over time? What if I never learn to love that person?? I guess that's the risk I'm suppose to take...NOT! So many times I hear women talking about how much money a man has or his social status,but what happens if he loses all of that? Will you still love him? What if the material things no longer exist?? Could you still see yourself "learning" to love him? I honestly believe that these are all valid questions. I just can't see myself being with someone solely on the basis of what he can do for me or how HE feels about ME. Ok, so he cares about me, I'm flattered. But if my heart's not in it there is nothing that he can do for me or say to me that will make me change my mind. Once again, this might sound crazy to some but hey, I'm entitled to my own opinion.

I just believe that we now live in a world of convenience where more and more relationships and marriages are being treated as business deals...nothing more, nothing less. Where did the love go? Lord help us all! Anyway...this is my point.....don't give up on true love. And when I say that I mean that undying love that exist between a man and a woman. Don't allow yourself to believe that you should settle for less than what you deserve...not cool. Don't allow someone to tell you to find someone that loves you more than you love them...there should be a balance in your relationship. There is nothing worse than having someone tell you that they love you and you have to struggle to say those words back to them. I know what it feels like to say those words when the feeling isn't really there....worst feeling ever. Just a little food for thought...

Until next time....

Why Do Men Cheat??...The REAL Reason(s)

This whole Tiger Woods fiasco really has me thinking....what is the real reason why men cheat? Is it because of some type of mental imbalance or is it simply because they become bored being with one woman? I know this is the million dollar question to which all women want to know the answer but this topic is very intriguing to me. Why do men cheat? Ok, so Tiger had not only one woman on the side, but he had like 10 other women!! Who does that? I mean, why get married? No, seriously. If you know you love women, why get married or get in a relationship and make someone's life miserable by cheating on her. Make no sense to me!

Now, clearly Tiger lost himself out there and the fact that he surrounded himself by such individuals as Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley doesn't say much for him. Jordan's ex-wife, Juanita, received $168 million in their divorce settlement...I'll just take a wild guess and say that it probably would've been cheaper to keep her...but that's just me. But let's forget about the money for a minute(well at least try). Why risk losing your family and jeopardizing your intergrity for a piece of ass?? I just don't get it! Can someone please explain? I was just using Tiger as an example because he was risking a lot more than the average man simply because of who he is, but let's discuss the average man. You know, the guy that goes to work everyday or "hustles" to make a living. Let's talk about him. Now, from a logical standpoint I would think that it would be much easier to be single and just date several women rather than being in a relationship or getting married and having to keep up with lies that you will be forced to tell. But there again....that's just me. However, I've talked to several men that admit to cheating and this is what they tell me...you ready for this? They love their girlfriend/wife and they know that's who they want to be with, but sometimes when it's right in front of you it's hard to say no. Huh? So, you're a grown ass man with no self-control? Oh ok. That's that bullshit! Ok, so my question still stands....why commit?? If you love that person like you say you do, why risk hurting them? I'm a woman but I can only speak for myself when I say that I would much rather a man love me and respect me enough to tell that he's just not ready to commit versus him being with me and CHEATING! Negative! The worst thing you can do is cheat on me and then tell me..."but I love you girl" Love should've brought your ass home last night...ha! I always wanted to say that! But really, how do love someone and be dishonest at the same time? How does that work? I know love and relationships can be a little tricky but damn...some things should just be common sense. Maybe I'm being naive, who knows!

I know this is a very interesting topic but I really want feedback from my brothas! Fill your girl in and let me know the real...I'm waiting! lol

Until next time....

Happiness.......What's the True Meaning?

Have you ever just been TIRED? No, I mean really TIRED, just FED UP!! Well, I think, scratch that, I know I'm at that point. I'm sitting here now with red eyes from restlessness and my night isn't even over. Wow! Between school, a stressful job, not to mention LIFE in general, I don't know how much more I can take! No, I'm not contemplating suicide(lol) I love myself too much! And I know this is the story of millions but why is that? Why is it that we don't take enough time for ourselves to do the things that really make us happy. Wait, do we even know what it is that makes us happy? I mean really, don't fake the funk, be real with me. We spend so much time and money getting these degrees in professions that half of us are unhappy with. That may not be the case with everyone, but that's for damn sure the case with me. But does that really make sense? I'm just saying. Think about what really makes you happy. That thing that makes you smile and gets you excited everytime you think about doing it. Now, the downside to this is that whatever "that thing" might be, you may not be able to turn that into a profession that makes you the money to carry on the lifestyle that you are used to having. What to do?! Do you just continue on with your unhappy existence or do you make a move to do something about it? No, I'm not telling you to up and quit your job, that's not a smart move if you don't have a Plan B.(lol) But I am telling you to find what makes you happy. For instance, when I started this blog there people that thought I was joking(including my mother) because they had no idea I could write.(lol) The funny thing is that I started this blog as a form of therapy for myself. It allows me to express my thoughts and topics on issues that I know other people think about. I had no idea that other people would be interested in reading what I write. I say all that to say...I'm not going to quit my job(at least not yet) to become a professional blogger, but when I have a bad day at work(which turns out to be pretty much everyday) sharing my thoughts and feelings with you all makes me feel better. What more can I say?

Life is too short! Do whatever makes you happy and push all that doubt and negativity our of your head. I honestly believe that life is all about choices...we all have the right to do what makes us happy but it's up to you to make that happen. I challenge everyone reading this to find that one thing(might be more but I like to start slow lol) that makes you happy and go for it! Stop thinking about it and JUST DO IT!!

That's all folks!

"Relationship? Why Would He Do That?"

Are women making it too easy for men these days? I ask that question because I'm really confused. (lol) It seems like these days men don't even think about having a monogamous relationship. I'm starting to believe that they think if they view you as being the "main chick" you should be content with that. Really? When did this become ok? I'm just saying...There was a time when a relationship meant one man being with one woman. Now, you have men, and some women, that make it perfectly clear that you are number one but there are a few others on the side. Some of you may be shaking your heads right now, but you know I'm telling the truth.

Seriously, even though we say to ourselves "I would never allow a man to do me that way" or "If I can't be the only one in your life I don't want to be with you at all" can you honestly say that you've never considered being in a "fake relationship" just for the sake of being alone? Man I tell ya, when that loneliness kicks in you start having some strange thoughts. (lol) Sometimes we enter into the position of the "main chick" thinking we can change the man and persuade him into making us the only woman...WRONG! A man will not change until he's good and damn ready and if you go into it knowing what it is and what it's going to be...it's hard to turn that into a positive for you. He will forever use the famous line of "well you knew I didn't want a commitment when you started dealing with me" and of course then we have to comeback with "Yes, but I thought things would change!" Why did you think that? Have you ever heard the famous phrase "Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free" Sure you have! Well why commit when you can have all the benefits of a relationship without ever actually having to be in a relationship? Make sense now? I just don't understand how some women pride themselves in being the "main girl".....If he's dealing with both or all of them wouldn't they all be considered the "side chick"? Let me know...I can be slow at times! (lol) I can speak from experience when I say that even though in the beginning you may have an "understanding", unless you are an all out whore, which I'm sure is not the case, it is just a matter of time before that "understanding" goes completely out the door. Just be careful!

I guess what I'm trying to say to all my single ladies is this....DON"T SETTLE! You're beautiful...you're self worth is priceless and there is someone out there that will recognize that sooner or later! When they look at you and only you, they will see love and that my dear is well worth the wait!

Until next time....