Brokenhearted...

On this rainy Sunday morning at 1:02am, I am experiencing how it feels to have a broken heart. My heart is broken because I finally realized that the person that I loved never really loved me. And of course, I blame myself for dealing with the bs for so long and making excuses for him and the dumb things that he said and did. I had myself believing that I couldn't be happy with anyone if that person wasn't him. And the sad part is the fact that I know my self-worth...I know I'm a beautiful person inside and out....I know I deserve all the happiness that my heart can hold BUT love is an interesting thing. It will have you doing and saying things that are totally out of character. Trust me...I know. I tried to walk away so many times...each time I stayed away a little longer than the time before. Unfortunately, it doesn't matter if you stay away for a year, if your not completely over the situation in your heart, time doesn't matter. But what I can't understand is if you know you don't love a person and you can't give them what they want or need, why continue to place yourself in their life? That's the part that really upsets me. In my world where humans reside, it is not ok to tell a person that you don't want a relationship but you still want some of the benefits of being in a relationship. Really? When did this become acceptable? But that goes back to a post I did awhile back regarding women making it to easy for men when it comes to relationships.

My mother always told me that love isn't always easy, sometimes it takes putting up a fight if it's someone that you really want and I believe that. But you know what, you also have to know when to throw in the towel. You have to know when to say "I tried but enough is enough". Never love someone so much that you lose site of self in the process. I've said this so many times but I feel it's necessary to say it again....Love is an action. If you choose to say to someone "I love you" please be ready to put some action behind those words. If you know you can't, don't say those words until you know deep down in your heart that is truly how you feel and you are ready to show and prove each day that God gives you life. Some people don't realize the value that those three little words hold. You must admit, when that special someone utters those three words, a feeling comes over you that is undescribable. But when that person continues to say those words but their actions are the complete opposite, that's a feeling that I would't wish on my worst enemy.

The one thing that makes me happy about this entire situation is the fact that I know it wasn't in vain. I know that God would never take me through something that He didn't think I could handle. Every situation that has ever caused me hurt or pain has always made me a stronger person. In everything that I go through I learn from it and the knowledge that I gain is priceless. So, to anyone that may be going through a similiar situation or anyone that is going through a tough time, know that what you thought you lost is nothing compared to what God has in store for you...and it's right around the corner. Just be patient......

Thanks for listening....Goodnight.

What's it going to be? A Situation or a Relationship?

So, I should be studying but I have something on my mind right now and I felt compelled to write about it. Lately, I've been hearing a lot of people say that they are in a "situation". Now, when I think of a "situation", I'm thinking hostage takeover(but that's just me....lol). At what point does a relationship turn into a situation? Did the word "relationship" go out of style and I didn't get the memo? Let me know!

True Story: I'm at the gym and this guy approaches me and strikes up a conversation. He wasn't too hard on the eyes so I continued to converse with him which lead to him asking for my number. I spoke with him a couple of times on the phone and he seemed to be really cool. So, one night, while talking on the phone with my best friend, I coincidentally ran across a picture of him on Facebook..(I promise I wasn't even looking for the pictures...lol) To make a long story short, the woman in the picture with him was his wife! This man never wore a ring or gave off any signs that he could be possibly married! When I asked him about it he said that they have an "open relationship" and it's just a "complicated situation". He actually referred to his MARRIAGE as a "situation"! Needless to say, I no longer talk to him.

I just don't understand how you can live with someone, have sex with him/her, tell that person that you love them and call it a "situation"....I'm confused. There are a couple of ways that the word situation can be defined. One way in which it can be defined is "a critical or unusual difficulty"...Huh? As an adult I can't imagine being with someone and viewing my relationship as "a critical or unusual difficulty" but because I don't want to hurt that persons feelings or be alone I decide to stay just for the hell of it. Does that make sense? Not really..but I'm a little different so you can't go by what I think. If somewhere along the lines you realize that you no longer want to be with your mate...why not express those feelings? I was always told that honesty is the best policy! But noooo...it's just easier to change your title to a "situation". WOW!

I totally understand being with a person and getting to a point in the relationship where you just don't know if you want to go any further. I also understand being in that in-between stage where you're "talking" but it hasn't quite developed into a relationship...I get all that! But what I don't understand is how you be with someone for X amount of years and you refer to it as a "situation". I just wish think we live in a society of convenience. We would rather be in a convenient situation than leave a messed up relationship. I don't know..that's just my two cents.


Thanks for listening!