New Day...New Me

It's been a minute since I blogged and to tell you the truth....I missed it! So much has happened in the last past month and guess what? I couldn't wait to share it with you all! Where do I begin? Well, for starters, I finally decided to let go of that hell hole I called a job...Ughhhhh! I mean, it was really going to be the death of me. Have you ever just hated something so much that you became sick everytime you thought about it? I have and it's no fun. I had to really do some soul searching and decide which was better....a paycheck or my sanity. Both would be great, but if I could only choose one I will take my sanity for $500 Alex. Seriously, I know some people might think I'm crazy, but I care not. I know, I know...who quits their job these days? I'll tell you who...ME. As long I have faith in God and a little money stashed away, I'll be ok. No worries.

On another note I'm experiencing "being in like" for the first time in a very long time and I'm lovin it. He makes me laugh and smile and these days that means a lot to me. I'm not concerned with titles right now, all I know is I like the person that I am when I talk to him and when I'm around him...what more can I ask for? I know some of my past posts have been kind of depressing and hopeless(don't judge me..) but I was in that state of mind. As I said before, life is a journey and I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason. That's why I started this blog, to watch how my life evolves, how I evolve. Now, if I can help someone else in the process that might be going through the same thing then so be it, helping others is cool with me! Anyway, I finally realized that when you let go and stop trying to take control, everything will fall into place. What's for me is for me and what is supposed to happen will happen....no more, no less. See, what I had to realize is their is no formula to life. We can't try analyze everything and predict the final result. Not going to happen. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow, thinking too much about certain situations can really put a damper on life. Geesh! LIVE for God's sake. Take some risks...who knows? that risk might lead you to what you've been searching for all along.

My advice to anyone reading this is to get out of your confort zone. Nothing is going to happen for you if keep doing the same thing over and over again no matter how miserable it makes you feel. That also goes for the people in your life. If you know that certain individuals have no purpose in your life or they mean you no good...kick them out of your life! Hey, it's your life...you can do what you want to do!

BE FREE TO LIVE AND LOVE!

Until next time....

Where Did the L.O.V.E Go?

"We were given: Two hands to hold. To legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find." -Unknown

When I was younger, my grandmother would always say "Baby, the love will come...as long as he's paying the bills you stay right there..." Really Granny?? (May her sweet soul rest in peace) But seriously, a lot of older women and some young women, still say things like this and really believe everything that what they are saying is true! And the one that I hate the most..."Make sure he loves you more than you love him" Now, how does that really make sense? My mother would tell me that all the time and for a minute I started believing her.  I mean, I honestly started thinking...are all the couples that I see together really meant to be together or did they just settle for each other because they couldn't be with the person that they really wanted? Should I just settle for the man that loves me more than I love him(if I love him at all...)?? I try to look at everything, for the most part, from a logical standpoint and I just don't see the logic in being with someone that loves and cares for me more than I love and care for him. Isn't that sort of selfish? Shouldn't he have the right to be with the person that does have those same feelings for him? But would he love her as much as he loves me? Or would he even love her at all? See what I'm saying? Is anyone with who they really want to be with? The unfortunate twist to any relationship is that one person may feel as if you they've found their soulmate but the other person may not feel that way.

I'm single for a reason....it's quite simple...I just haven't found the right man. Now some would ask the question, is the "right one" really out there? I believe so, the RIGHT one for me, that is! If I just wanted to be with any 'ole Joe Schmo that wouldn't be a problem, but I want to be with that person that loves me as much as I love him. Am I crazy to believe that I still have an opportunity to find love? I don't know...maybe, maybe not. Should I just be with someone based on what they can do for me and learn to love them over time? What if I never learn to love that person?? I guess that's the risk I'm suppose to take...NOT! So many times I hear women talking about how much money a man has or his social status,but what happens if he loses all of that? Will you still love him? What if the material things no longer exist?? Could you still see yourself "learning" to love him? I honestly believe that these are all valid questions. I just can't see myself being with someone solely on the basis of what he can do for me or how HE feels about ME. Ok, so he cares about me, I'm flattered. But if my heart's not in it there is nothing that he can do for me or say to me that will make me change my mind. Once again, this might sound crazy to some but hey, I'm entitled to my own opinion.

I just believe that we now live in a world of convenience where more and more relationships and marriages are being treated as business deals...nothing more, nothing less. Where did the love go? Lord help us all! Anyway...this is my point.....don't give up on true love. And when I say that I mean that undying love that exist between a man and a woman. Don't allow yourself to believe that you should settle for less than what you deserve...not cool. Don't allow someone to tell you to find someone that loves you more than you love them...there should be a balance in your relationship. There is nothing worse than having someone tell you that they love you and you have to struggle to say those words back to them. I know what it feels like to say those words when the feeling isn't really there....worst feeling ever. Just a little food for thought...

Until next time....

Happiness.......What's the True Meaning?

Have you ever just been TIRED? No, I mean really TIRED, just FED UP!! Well, I think, scratch that, I know I'm at that point. I'm sitting here now with red eyes from restlessness and my night isn't even over. Wow! Between school, a stressful job, not to mention LIFE in general, I don't know how much more I can take! No, I'm not contemplating suicide(lol) I love myself too much! And I know this is the story of millions but why is that? Why is it that we don't take enough time for ourselves to do the things that really make us happy. Wait, do we even know what it is that makes us happy? I mean really, don't fake the funk, be real with me. We spend so much time and money getting these degrees in professions that half of us are unhappy with. That may not be the case with everyone, but that's for damn sure the case with me. But does that really make sense? I'm just saying. Think about what really makes you happy. That thing that makes you smile and gets you excited everytime you think about doing it. Now, the downside to this is that whatever "that thing" might be, you may not be able to turn that into a profession that makes you the money to carry on the lifestyle that you are used to having. What to do?! Do you just continue on with your unhappy existence or do you make a move to do something about it? No, I'm not telling you to up and quit your job, that's not a smart move if you don't have a Plan B.(lol) But I am telling you to find what makes you happy. For instance, when I started this blog there people that thought I was joking(including my mother) because they had no idea I could write.(lol) The funny thing is that I started this blog as a form of therapy for myself. It allows me to express my thoughts and topics on issues that I know other people think about. I had no idea that other people would be interested in reading what I write. I say all that to say...I'm not going to quit my job(at least not yet) to become a professional blogger, but when I have a bad day at work(which turns out to be pretty much everyday) sharing my thoughts and feelings with you all makes me feel better. What more can I say?

Life is too short! Do whatever makes you happy and push all that doubt and negativity our of your head. I honestly believe that life is all about choices...we all have the right to do what makes us happy but it's up to you to make that happen. I challenge everyone reading this to find that one thing(might be more but I like to start slow lol) that makes you happy and go for it! Stop thinking about it and JUST DO IT!!

That's all folks!

Slow Down.....

When I reached the young and tender age of 27, I realized that I might be going through what some might call a "quarter-life crisis." Yes, it can happen and it's something that I struggle with on a day-to-day basis. As you continue to read this, you might realize that you are going through the exact same thing.....

On my 27th birthday, I realized that I am nowhere near where I thought I would be at this age. After I graduated from college, my plans for life seemed so clear. Get a great job in Corporate America, obtain my Masters degree, marry a wonderful man, and have a child. Is that what I really wanted or did society lead me to believe that is what I should want? Hmmm....interesting. I struggle everyday with trying to figure out what I want to do in life and how my existence could make a difference in this world. I just didn't think it would take 27 years and counting to figure it out. I've changed jobs twice since graduation, which isn't that bad compared to some of my peers. However, I have yet to wake up and say to myself "I love what I do!" Nope, not once. So, I decided last Fall, to go back to school to pursue my Masters. More money and more education = Stability, right? But will I be happy in the end? Is this really what I want to do or does it just seem like the right thing to do? And as far as finding that wonderful man,well, I'll save that for another blog entry. When I look around and realize that the majority of my friends are either married with a child or children, engaged or at least have a child, it sometimes makes me sad. It's scary to think that I might be alone for the rest of my life...who wants that? I don't want to be THAT woman that has the career and the all the material things that comes along with it, but goes home every night to a lonely existence. That's not the life that I envisioned for myself. And to be quite honest, I don't think that's the life that God has planned for me.

But I think I figured out the problem(yea, dont' we all). I believe we as human beings always have that urge to see into the future. We want to get to the prize at the end instead of just enjoying the ride. Even though I do become discouraged at times, I am slowly but surely realizing that life is a beautiful journey and everyday is a gift. Remember, this "quarter-life crisis" won't last forever....there's still that possibility of going through a "mid-life crisis." But look on the the bright side, maybe by then we would have found our place in the world. Enjoy your journey and live everyday like it's your last.

Until next time.....