Twitter and Facebook 101: Don't Allow Them Ruin Your Relationship

Nikki: "So, who was that chick that wrote on your wall yesterday??"

Keith: "Girl, what are you talkin' bout? Didn't nobody post nothin' on my wall?"

Nikki: "You lyin'!! I check your page everyday! You must've erased it then!"

Keith: "Ohhhh...you talkin bout Erica! We went to high school together!"

Nikki: "There you go lyin' again! I checked her page too..she went to Hoover and your ass went to Ramsay...now how you explain that?"

Keith: "Huh?"

Nikki: "Huh my ass! Get ya sh!$ and get out!"

Now how many of you have either taken part in a conversation much like the one above or you know someone that has? Yea, that's what I thought. (lol) Ladies and gentleman STOP stalking via the internet...it's not cool. First of all, understand that some people do and say things just for the simple fact that they know you're watching. They give you exactly what you're looking for even though in reality it's really NOTHING! It amazes me how people sit on facebook and twitter all day and try to "put the pieces together" or find out who their boyfriend/girlfriend is communicating with. Why? No, really what's the purpose? More than likely you're not going to find out, you're just going to drive yourself insane. And like I said before, if they know you're stalking them they will most definitely take it to the 100th power(i.e. status updates, random tweets, wall postings, etc.) Don't become a victim to the foolishness!

 Lord knows I've checked a page or two myself...don't judge me! (lol) But you know what? When I realized what I was doing I felt like a damn idiot....I mean I seriously had to shake my head at myself. Honestly, the fact that "social networking" sites are ruining relationships is absurd. True, the internet gives people access to anything and everything but it's up to you what you share with the public. If you don't want your personal business exposed then stop putting it out there. I promise you will see a drastic change in your relationship if you stop looking for stuff and just enjoy being in your relationship. Trust me when I tell you, if your mate is doing something behind your back you don't even have to search and play detective....it will come to you. I know from first hand experience. So, I challenge you to make some changes today. If you feel tempted to check his/her twitter or facebook page....DEACTIVATE. (lol) Seriously, don't give in to the urge, it's pointless.

No need for this blog post to be long...you get the point!

Until Next Time......

*Oh, and the names used in the dialogue above were fictional!

My Heart Or My Mind?? Which One is Right??

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the mind cannot understand.
-- Robert Valett

Ahh yes, that great struggle between your heart and mind...don't you love it? Ok, maybe not! If you're anything like me you try your hardest to go against your heart because you know that your mind just might be telling you the right the things to do. But is it that really the case? Of course your mind, in most cases, is going to make the logical decision but when did love become logical? Is it safe to listen to your mind over your heart when it comes to love? Are you taking a gamble by going against your heart? A lot of questions, huh? I can't help it, I'm inquisitive. But here's my opinion....I think it's hard to go against what you're heart really wants. For me, it's really difficult because while my mind is saying "Are you really going to go through with that? You're an idiot!" my heart is saying "Awww...it's ok honey!! What's a life that has never experienced love?" Yea yea yea...blah blah blah. But the hardest thing to deal with is when you listen to your heart and you end up going through that phase of regret. But should we really regret any decision that we make when it comes to love? How will we ever find love if we never put ourselves out there? Of course you're taking a risk but isn't that a part of being in love? I'm just asking! This battle between heart and mind is intense! These are all valid questions that you should ask yourself.

I struggle with putting up a front to hide what I'm truly feeling, but you have to be careful when doing this...it can get you in BIG trouble. One truism in life my friend, you can only lie to yourself for so long when the heart is involved. When you see that person and you start feeling the "butterflies in your stomach" and your heart starts beating at a rapid pace....everything that you have told yourself in your mind goes completely out the window! It almost as if at that moment your heart whispers, "Gotcha!" What to do?!! Do you forget about what you've chanted in your head a thousand times or do you go with your heart? I guess that's a decision we all have to make for ourselves. I just don't believe that there is a straightforward, right or wrong answer when it comes to love and relationships. The shit just doesn't make sense sometimes, that is the frustrating part. But the one thing I will tell you is that sometimes you have to step back and stop trying to control the situation. A very close friend of mine once told me "you can't hide from love forever.." and she was so right. You can tell yourself all day that you need to let go of a situation but until your heart catches up with your mind you can forget about it.
 
I said all that you to say this.... there will always be a battle between your heart and mind. It is totally up to you when it comes to deciding which one to follow. However, what you keep telling yourself in your mind might seem like the right thing to do, but what seems right might not always be right....remember that. When making decisions about love and relationships you have to be real with yourself first and foremost, that's the key. Don't allow your stubbornness to leave you lonely and thinking "what if.." Trust me when I tell you...that's not a good feeling. Basically, just do what makes you happy and you'll never have any regrets!

Until next time....

Brokenhearted...

On this rainy Sunday morning at 1:02am, I am experiencing how it feels to have a broken heart. My heart is broken because I finally realized that the person that I loved never really loved me. And of course, I blame myself for dealing with the bs for so long and making excuses for him and the dumb things that he said and did. I had myself believing that I couldn't be happy with anyone if that person wasn't him. And the sad part is the fact that I know my self-worth...I know I'm a beautiful person inside and out....I know I deserve all the happiness that my heart can hold BUT love is an interesting thing. It will have you doing and saying things that are totally out of character. Trust me...I know. I tried to walk away so many times...each time I stayed away a little longer than the time before. Unfortunately, it doesn't matter if you stay away for a year, if your not completely over the situation in your heart, time doesn't matter. But what I can't understand is if you know you don't love a person and you can't give them what they want or need, why continue to place yourself in their life? That's the part that really upsets me. In my world where humans reside, it is not ok to tell a person that you don't want a relationship but you still want some of the benefits of being in a relationship. Really? When did this become acceptable? But that goes back to a post I did awhile back regarding women making it to easy for men when it comes to relationships.

My mother always told me that love isn't always easy, sometimes it takes putting up a fight if it's someone that you really want and I believe that. But you know what, you also have to know when to throw in the towel. You have to know when to say "I tried but enough is enough". Never love someone so much that you lose site of self in the process. I've said this so many times but I feel it's necessary to say it again....Love is an action. If you choose to say to someone "I love you" please be ready to put some action behind those words. If you know you can't, don't say those words until you know deep down in your heart that is truly how you feel and you are ready to show and prove each day that God gives you life. Some people don't realize the value that those three little words hold. You must admit, when that special someone utters those three words, a feeling comes over you that is undescribable. But when that person continues to say those words but their actions are the complete opposite, that's a feeling that I would't wish on my worst enemy.

The one thing that makes me happy about this entire situation is the fact that I know it wasn't in vain. I know that God would never take me through something that He didn't think I could handle. Every situation that has ever caused me hurt or pain has always made me a stronger person. In everything that I go through I learn from it and the knowledge that I gain is priceless. So, to anyone that may be going through a similiar situation or anyone that is going through a tough time, know that what you thought you lost is nothing compared to what God has in store for you...and it's right around the corner. Just be patient......

Thanks for listening....Goodnight.

"Relationship? Why Would He Do That?"

Are women making it too easy for men these days? I ask that question because I'm really confused. (lol) It seems like these days men don't even think about having a monogamous relationship. I'm starting to believe that they think if they view you as being the "main chick" you should be content with that. Really? When did this become ok? I'm just saying...There was a time when a relationship meant one man being with one woman. Now, you have men, and some women, that make it perfectly clear that you are number one but there are a few others on the side. Some of you may be shaking your heads right now, but you know I'm telling the truth.

Seriously, even though we say to ourselves "I would never allow a man to do me that way" or "If I can't be the only one in your life I don't want to be with you at all" can you honestly say that you've never considered being in a "fake relationship" just for the sake of being alone? Man I tell ya, when that loneliness kicks in you start having some strange thoughts. (lol) Sometimes we enter into the position of the "main chick" thinking we can change the man and persuade him into making us the only woman...WRONG! A man will not change until he's good and damn ready and if you go into it knowing what it is and what it's going to be...it's hard to turn that into a positive for you. He will forever use the famous line of "well you knew I didn't want a commitment when you started dealing with me" and of course then we have to comeback with "Yes, but I thought things would change!" Why did you think that? Have you ever heard the famous phrase "Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free" Sure you have! Well why commit when you can have all the benefits of a relationship without ever actually having to be in a relationship? Make sense now? I just don't understand how some women pride themselves in being the "main girl".....If he's dealing with both or all of them wouldn't they all be considered the "side chick"? Let me know...I can be slow at times! (lol) I can speak from experience when I say that even though in the beginning you may have an "understanding", unless you are an all out whore, which I'm sure is not the case, it is just a matter of time before that "understanding" goes completely out the door. Just be careful!

I guess what I'm trying to say to all my single ladies is this....DON"T SETTLE! You're beautiful...you're self worth is priceless and there is someone out there that will recognize that sooner or later! When they look at you and only you, they will see love and that my dear is well worth the wait!

Until next time....

When Is it Time To Let Go?

My mother always told me to never go backwards in a relationship....I SHOULD'VE LISTENED! Seriously, why do we always end up going back even though we know the situation is bad for us? Why is it so hard to let go? Sometimes when we are involved with a person for a substantial amount of time, we feel that we have invested too much time to walk away. But does that really make sense? Hmmmm..

It's so funny to me how we can say so many times,"I'm done!" but we see that person or receive a phone call or text and it's back on! Whatever happened to "Just say no"? (lol) But seriously, I think we as women, and I won't leave out the brothas, have to understand that it has to be over in your heart as well as your mind for it to REALLY be over. We can say all day that we are done with an individual but if you're heart is still in it...you're not done. You have to be totally at peace with the situation for it to be over. The key to letting go is TIME! Don't rush it. If you want to continue to do the back and forth thing because you still have hopes that things will change...do it! No one should judge you for wanting to do that. It's ok to take the advice of your friends(I do it all the time lol) but at the end of day let the decision be yours and yours only. Letting go is hard but one thing that I know to be true..when you're done, you're done and there is nothing anyone can say or do to change your mind. Sometimes it takes getting tired and fed up with a situaion in order for you to leave.

I decided to do this post because I've seen so many situations(including my own)where individuals have wasted so much time and energy on someone that didn't deserve them in the first place. But because they were in love with the person they didn't want to let go. They didn't want to let go of that hope that one day things would change and they would live happily ever after. Not saying that's impossible but you can't force it. If something is meant to be it will be and if that person is meant for you, they will come back to you. Now, whether or not you take them back is all on you! (lol) But to all my beautiful people, love yourself first and foremost and everything else will fall in place.

Until next time....

Is It Really For the Baby? Yea Right...

Have you ever met a person and they told you that they were with there mate because of the child? I have. Now, because I do not have any kids I will not and cannot judge them, along with the fact that I'm not a judmental person. BUT, as a realist and looking at it from a logical standpoint, I just don't get it. I do understand loving your child and wanting him/her to be raised in a family setting, but if that's the reason just say that! I feel like in so many situations, both parties use the child as a reason for staying because it's much easier to do that instead of admitting their true feelings. Believe me, I've dealt with someone that had a child, and he loved his son to death. However, he did not want anything to do with his child's mother(at least not in a romantic way). They were cordial because of the precious gift that they shared together, but they were mature enough to realize that they didn't have to be in a relationship in order to raise their child. Although he and I are no longer dating, I will always and forever respect him for his maturity and the love and respect that he has for his son and his son's mother.

One thing that really bothers me is when some women threaten the man with never seeing his child again! Who in the hell does that? Seriously, if a man loves his child and wants to take care of his responsibility, why would you deprive him of that? Just because you want him and you don't want to see him with someone else? Ok, once again I will make it a point to say that I have NO kids, but if I did, my child would be my main concern! If the man decides for whatever reason that he does not want to be with me...KICK ROCKS!! Often times, we as women get so caught up in the man that we tend to lose ourselves. I've seen it happen too many times. Hell, it's happened to me! But one thing I've learned in my 27 years of life is that I will ALWAYS love myself first. I might find myself in love with him but I love myself more.

Men...if you love your child's mother and you want to be with her...IT'S OK! I'm not saying that's the case with all men but some men feel like they have to lie to kick it...false assumption! I just strongly believe that when you have unprotected sex with a person, as an adult you know that you run the risk of getting pregnant or inpregnating someone...obviously you cared enough for that person to run that risk. Unfortunately, in some cases, after the child is born you start seeing a side of your mate that you didn't know existed.(lol) I'm laughing because I hear so many of my friends say "Girl,after this baby was born he just started acting crazy!", or from the male "Ole girl just started flippin out after she had the baby..I can't go nowhere!" Well damn. But it happens everyday.

All I'm saying is that I don't think it's logical to stay in a negative situation claiming it's for your child. How are you helping your child? I would only assume that it's healthier for your child to see their parents have a healthy relationship even though they don't live together versus both of their parents being in the home but they argue all the time. What you see as a child has a heavy bearing on how you view certain situations as an adult...I'm just saying.

But those are just my two cents....who the hell am I? lol

Please share your thoughts with me!!!

Until Next Time....

What's it going to be? A Situation or a Relationship?

So, I should be studying but I have something on my mind right now and I felt compelled to write about it. Lately, I've been hearing a lot of people say that they are in a "situation". Now, when I think of a "situation", I'm thinking hostage takeover(but that's just me....lol). At what point does a relationship turn into a situation? Did the word "relationship" go out of style and I didn't get the memo? Let me know!

True Story: I'm at the gym and this guy approaches me and strikes up a conversation. He wasn't too hard on the eyes so I continued to converse with him which lead to him asking for my number. I spoke with him a couple of times on the phone and he seemed to be really cool. So, one night, while talking on the phone with my best friend, I coincidentally ran across a picture of him on Facebook..(I promise I wasn't even looking for the pictures...lol) To make a long story short, the woman in the picture with him was his wife! This man never wore a ring or gave off any signs that he could be possibly married! When I asked him about it he said that they have an "open relationship" and it's just a "complicated situation". He actually referred to his MARRIAGE as a "situation"! Needless to say, I no longer talk to him.

I just don't understand how you can live with someone, have sex with him/her, tell that person that you love them and call it a "situation"....I'm confused. There are a couple of ways that the word situation can be defined. One way in which it can be defined is "a critical or unusual difficulty"...Huh? As an adult I can't imagine being with someone and viewing my relationship as "a critical or unusual difficulty" but because I don't want to hurt that persons feelings or be alone I decide to stay just for the hell of it. Does that make sense? Not really..but I'm a little different so you can't go by what I think. If somewhere along the lines you realize that you no longer want to be with your mate...why not express those feelings? I was always told that honesty is the best policy! But noooo...it's just easier to change your title to a "situation". WOW!

I totally understand being with a person and getting to a point in the relationship where you just don't know if you want to go any further. I also understand being in that in-between stage where you're "talking" but it hasn't quite developed into a relationship...I get all that! But what I don't understand is how you be with someone for X amount of years and you refer to it as a "situation". I just wish think we live in a society of convenience. We would rather be in a convenient situation than leave a messed up relationship. I don't know..that's just my two cents.


Thanks for listening!

Will I Ever Find My Mr. Right????????????

I'm getting scared people!(lol) Seriously, are there any women out there that feel me when I say that I think I will forever be single? I mean, really, think about it...who's to say that everyone is going to find the RIGHT person and get married? If I never find MR. RIGHT, am I supposed to just settle for MR. OK? My mother and sister constantly question me about why I'm single. They feel it's because I'm picky...THERE IS NO TRUTH IN THAT ASSUMPTION!(lol) I don't have a problem dating men with kids even though I don't have kids...**Disclaimer**BUT, if the child is under the age of 3 I might have to say no just for the simple fact that he is probably still involved with his child's mother..ijs. I don't have a problem dating a man without a degree. In fact, some of the brothers I know with a degree are so hard to deal with because they are so caught up on the fact that they have one and they feel that they are the last of a dying breed...Whew!(deep breath)Looks are the last of my worries at this point, well not the last, but you know what I mean. Really, I'm so simple and all I ask for is honesty, respect and a little communication...is that too much to ask for? So, again I ask myself..what's the problem? Am I just one of those people that is meant to be single? I was talking to my best friend last night and once again, we had a loooong conversation about men and their problems. I know so many guys that just can't be honest for the life of them. Much respect to those men out there that know how to keep it real even if they risk hurting the girls feelings. I would rather you hurt my feelings than allow me to fall for you knowing you're leading a double life...not a good look. I'm a big girl..I can take it!

I'm afraid that I'm becoming a cynic in regards to love. Don't get me wrong, I know it exist but I just don't think it exist in my world. I don't want to be the old lady on the porch with a lot of cats.(lol) Ok, maybe that was a little too far to the left, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone and at the rate I'm going, it's not looking good. Should I just prepare myself mentally in the case that this happens? Chile, it's gettin serious! But, then again all I can do is have faith that my time will come.

Until next time....

Love Makes the World Go 'Round.....

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You
I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.
I love you only because it's you the one I love;I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.
Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel Ray, stealing my key to true calm.
In this part of the story I am the one whoDies,
the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood. -Pablo Neruda

Whew! That was deep! This is a poem that I can read over and over again and feel as if it was written just for me. It captures all the feelings that I have inside. Love is a powerful emotion. One minute you can feel as though you are floating in the clouds and the next minute you feel like you're life is going to end. Some would say that "love is like a drug" but really, for some individuals, this can turn out to be true. Check out this article from cnn.com:

http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/conditions/02/14/science.of.love/

I've fallen in love, out of love and back in love again.(lol) It's a feeling that words can't describe. A feeling that only you can experience for yourself. Anyone that knows me, knows that Love Jones is my favorite movie of all times. I joke all the time that I'm waiting to find my Darius Lovehall. Ha! But seriously, I believe this movie depicts a REAL relationship. Sometimes it's not going to make sense. You're not going to be happy 100% of the time. However, the bad times should never outweigh the good. When two people love each other, they are willing to fight to make it work. Compromise! For instance, if you're in a long distance relationship, that could mean moving out of you're comfort zone in order to make it work with your mate. And PLEASE understand that love is also an action. You can't just say it and leave it at that. Put some action behind those words! Give it a try...do something out of the norm. I can almost guarantee success!

At this very moment I'm missing someone that I love dearly, but I had to let go. Right now I feel as though I lost the fight. Do I still love him? Yes. Does he love me? Yes. But, like I said before, sometimes it doesn't make sense. Maybe right now isn't the time for us but I'm content with knowing that I experienced true love. And that my dear, is priceless.

Until next time......