I'M THIIIIIRRRRTY!! *insert screams here*

I’ve missed you guys and I’ve definitely missed writing and telling you all my business! I’ve decided to re-introduce myself to the blogging world by discussing my current life and what I like to call….30, Single and HAPPY! The funny thing is I wasn’t so sure about the happy part, until recently.  In the months approaching my 30^th birthday, as many of you have done or will do, I started to do A LOT of thinking and soul searching. I asked myself a few questions, “Are you happy where you are in life right now?” Are there some things that you would like to change? If so, how and when do you plan on making those changes?” “Have you forgiven those individuals that hurt you in the past?” “Are you constantly working to better yourself?” Ok, so the list goes on and on but you get the picture.  After asking myself all of these questions and answering them honestly, I realized that I was at good point in my life but I have a lot of growing to do. Was I disappointed in myself for not being where I thought I would be at 30? HELL NO! I had to realize that I was planning my life based on what everyone else figured I should be doing, comparing myself to others (which is, by the way, the ABSOLUTE worst thing you can EVER do). Never compare yourself to someone nor question yourself as to why you are not at the same point in your life that they are in their life. If you want to live in depression for the rest of your life then ,by all means, be my guest and COMPARE ON! But if you want to live a peaceful and happy life just go at your own pace and live YOUR OWN life. You never know what that other individual had to do to get what they have or get to the point that they are in their life.

Now let me talk about this single and 30 situation, which seems to be a hot topic these days. Yes, I thought I would be married by now with at least one kid but I’m not and guess what?? I’m ok with that. I would rather be single than be in a dysfunctional relationship with a weirdo…not really my thing. But seriously, it might sound cliché but honestly I can do bad by myself. I don’t need any help in that department. Do people continuously ask why I’m single? Yes, of course. Have I gotten the “Awww you’ll be ok” look? Yep, plenty of times! Have I had old and dusty individuals pop up from my past trying to rekindle something? Uh, yea and to them I say “NO THANKS!” I can’t speak for everyone but for me going backwards has never yielded positive results. I’m not going to lie to you and say that I don’t get lonely at times…I’m human. However, I’m not lonely enough to settle for some of the foolishness that comes along with having a warm body laying next to me, especially if that warm body isn’t waking up and going to a damn job and/or  hustling and grinding (legally of course) to turn their dreams into reality. WOOSAH! At 30 years young, my definition of “sexy” takes on a whole new meaning. AMBITION is sexy. DRIVE is sexy. BEING RESPONSIBLE is sexy. BEING EDUCATED is sexy. On the other hand, waking up at noon, rolling up (speaking in hood terms) and playing video games all day….eh, not so much. thumbs down  Now between the ages of 18-23 that could’ve possibly been cute to me but at this point in my life health insurance is cute to me. steps off soap box My mother recently asked me if had been praying for God to bring the right man into my life and to allow me to recognize him….and my answer to her was this “Uh, actually I haven’t but I’ll let you know when I do so you can join in” (lol) My mom and I have a very close relationship so my response to her was appropriate. Honestly, I haven’t prayed for a man because God isn’t done with me yet. He has to help me get myself together first and we’ll worry about the other stuff later. The bottom line is that if you are single and 30 or over 30 please hide the razors and put the pill bottle down. It’s not the end of the world and actually you might be happier.

So many things have changed in my life. My circle of friends has gotten smaller (THANK GOD). My bills have gotten more expensive. I’ve had to become more responsible. Basically, I'm just GROWN as hell. But most importantly my mindset has changed. There are so many things I want to accomplish in my life and life is so short. I no longer have the mindset of “I have my entire life to do that…” We have no idea how long we are here on this Earth and it’s very important that you you’re life with that in mind. Do something outside of your comfort zone. I’ve been thinking very seriously lately about moving. Leaving this city, in which I born, behind. For those people that have asked me “Why?” my response is “Why not?” As long as there are planes, trains and automobiles and I can get to my family there is no reason for me not to venture out and see what else is out there for me. Of course it’s scary, but if you live your life in fear you’re not really living. In 30 years I’ve learned so many life lessons and each year I’m alive I learn more and more about myself. So, at the 30 I am happy, I am content but I will NEVER be satisfied. I will ALWAYS strive to be better.

Until next time.

Peace

Get Married in the Name of Love?? That's Absurd....

Lately I've been hearing people say that marriage is nothing more than a business deal between two people that happen to live together and have sex every once in awhile. Hell, we might as well just have arranged marriages! Love, what is that? What does love have to do with it? The sad part about this situation is that people are still wondering why the divorce rate is so damn high...duh! Now, I'm not saying that this is the main reason. Financial problems, which can put a heavy strain on the marriage, is one of the leading causes of divorce. Some people just grow apart, simple as that. There are lots of reasons why people get divorced, but I honestly believe that when you are really in love with a person you are not so quick to just throw away everything at the drop of a hat. You will do all you can possibly do to make it work. More and more couples are going into a marriage with the idea of "well, if it doesn't work out there's always divorce!" If you are thinking this at the same time that you are planning to get married you might want to re-evaluate some things. Why go into something as sacred as marriage with negative thoughts? I just don't get it. What happened to marrying that person that you just can't imagine yourself living without? Does this still happen? Are people just settling for someone because they can't be with the person that they really want? Getting married just to say you're married but your miserable as hell...what's the point?

Often times people marry those individuals that they feel "look good on paper". That person that has the multiple degrees, a great job making great money, living that ideal "corporate life". All that is wonderful but what else do they have to offer?  Fun, free-spirited, loving and able to get along with anyone? Or the total opposite? Boring, uptight, and socially retarded? Right. I couldn't imagine marrying a person based on what they have and what they can do for me. I'm not going to say that I don't want to live a comfortable life...who wants to struggle? However, the most important thing to me is my happiness and one thing I can know for sure is material items cannot subsitute for my happiness. Forgive me for still believing in love! Call me crazy but I believe in love and the fact that is still exists. We just have to get back to that place where men and women allow themselves to fall in love. We are so guarded these days and afraid to let people get close. Let it go! I'm definitely not saying you should let your guard down for everyone, but as intelligent human beings I'm sure you can use your good judgment and figure out who deserves a chance and who doesn't. Don't be afraid to take a chance at love. True, you are risking getting hurt. That's a part of life. You live and you learn...pray, forgive and move on.

I just want more people to get married (if that's what they choose to do) because they are deeply in love not because they didn't have shit else to do and it just seemed like the right thing to do. Stop getting married to people just because you have a child together...epic fail. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic...so what! Now go kiss your husband or wife and go to bed!

Until Next Time...

My Fear....

It's been a minute since I actually made time to share my thoughts with you guys....I'm kind of nervous. So much has happened in my life since the last time I blogged...some good, some not so good. As I've said before, writing is my therapy so here goes...

I have a fear of leaving this Earth too soon. I know for a fact that there are so many things in my life that just aren't right. There are so many things I haven't done, goals I haven't accomplished, true love I have't found, true undeniable happiness I haven't felt. Then there are so many questions in my head...Have I made a difference in at least one person's life? How will people remember me? Honestly, I try my best to tell people in my life how I truly feel about them because once you're gone that's it...no coming back. People always say "tomorrow isn't promised" but why don't we live like that? Why do we put off doing things and sharing our true feelings? Simple, because we assume we have time. When someone dies, especially someone that you know or someone who's close to you in age, it sort of makes you put things in perspective. Makes you realize that life is too short to continuously put things off, but how long does the way of thinking last? A week, maybe a month? Do you really make those changes that you've vowed to make or do you go on with life just as nothing has happened?  Am I making a conscious effort to change? Of course. Is it hard for me to make certain changes? Hell yes!

This past week has been very stressful for me. I've been going through a lot and so have my friends and when my friends hurt, I hurt. I don't easily trust people and it's not easy for me to let new people in my life but once your in, your in. I will do anything for my friends and family and that's one thing that I pray that they will always remember about me. I try my best to tell my friends and my family that I love them and care about them on a regular basis...I never want them to wonder. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't always like that but one of the things that I'm working on with self is learning how to express how I feel and show my emotions. In the past I was very afraid to show my emotions because it made me feel vulnerable and I thought it made me appear weak. But I had to realize that it doesn't matter if people perceive me as being weak, as long as the close people in my life know me for the strong woman that I am, then it doesn't really matter. I know that not everyone will have these great loving happy memories of me but I try my best to leave a lasting positive impression on every person that I meet and every person that comes in my life. As my good friend would say "You want people at your funeral to remember you for more than wearing fly jeans and buying shots of Patron. Cause half the folks who got down with you will only be talking about your "potential."

Before I get all emotional, I'm going to make it quick and simple and end this post by saying this...our time on this Earth is temporary. Live each day of your life like it's your last and strive each day to be a better person. I'm not just saying this to say it...I mean it. Tell people how you truly feel while they are alive because once they are gone they can't hear the cries or the feel the emotions. Don't wait until it's too late.

Until next time.....

The Pretty Dark Skinned Chick, huh...You Can't Do Better Than That? *Side Eyes*

In the last couple of weeks I have been hearing more and more people speak on the issue of the "color complex" that is still very prevalent in the African American community. This is a topic that is very dear to my heart because I know all too well what it feels like to be singled out for being the "dark skinned girl." You see, people feel like they are doing me a favor by calling me the "pretty dark skinned girl" but they really have no idea how ignorant they sound. And I absolutely hate when people describe a person to me by saying.."she's really pretty...she's light skinned with light eyes.." Ummm since when does that equal pretty? Just asking. True story...I went out to a club a couple of weeks ago and a random young man(he was of the lighter skintone...lol)just felt it necessary to come up to me and say "you are a beautiful brown skin girl..." The crazy part about is that he wasn't even trying to talk to me...he just said that and walked off! *blank stare* I was so confused but to be honest that wasn't the first time that has happened to me. I personally think the shit is sad. Am I supposed to be flattered? Thanks but no thanks. I know we are not the only race that deals this issue...this can been seen in other cultures as well, but right now I'm talking about my personal experience within my own race.

A few years ago I a read book entitled Color Complex and it really opened my eyes to how we as a people, sometimes view each other. One particular man (described as being "very dark skinned")displayed in this book would actually date light-skin damn near white women, but he would get angry at the fact that they were lighter than him. He would actually beat these women and marvle at the different colors of the bruises on their body. Sick, huh? In the eyes of many, the lighter the skin the prettier the person which is an awful way to think. But of course we know that this goes back to slavery days where the dark skinned slaves worked in the field while the "house negroes" were more often lighter skintone. And even after that we had the "brown paper bag test". For those of you are unaware of the "brown paper bag" test was a ritual that was performed that decided whether or not you were accepted into certain fraternities and sororities. If you were darker than the paper bag you would not be accepted. Remember the movie School Daze?  The Wannabees and the Jigaboos...Intersting, huh? I know but it's real.

 Gabrielle Union did an interview with Global Grind awhile ago and she touched on her insecurities as a dark skinned black woman. She talked about being dumped in high school for the light skinned girl and feeling a sense a fear whenever a light skinned woman would walk into the room. Whew...That's deep! But that just goes to show you that no matter the amount of money a person may have they are still human and EVERYONE, whether they say it or not, has insecurities. I know I do! But I can honestly say that I embrace who I am and I have never felt inferior to anyone because they were white, red, yellow, green...well, you get the picture. Anyone that knows me knows that I think that Nia Long is gorgeous and but so is Lauren London. But that's the beauty of it...we come in so many different beautiful shades and colors...how could you not embrace them all?? Of course, people are entitled to like what they like and everyone has a different idea of what they view as being attractive. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that! My problem is the seperation of our race and the judgment that is placed based on skin color and the ignorance that goes along with that. Come on people it's 2010...really? Are we really still on this? Let's get it together and do better!

I could go on and on about the subject but I'll get off my soapbox for now!

Peace and Blessings

Until Next Time....

Gabby/Dwayne/Siohvaughn...Who's to Blame?

So what do we think about this Gabby Union/Dwayne Wade/Siohvaughn Wade fiasco? Personally, I don't know how I feel about the situation...I'm torn. Now, on one hand I fault Gabby because she knew Dwayne Wade was married when she started dealing with him. I don't care if they were in the process of getting a divorce, nothing had been finalized which means he was still legally married. So, does that make Gabby a homewrecker? Could the Wade's have maybe tried to work it out if she wasn't in the picture? Maybe, maybe not. But here's my issue...why is Siohvaughn upset with Gabby? Ok, besides the fact that she is now dating her husband...the father of her children..her childhood sweetheart..yea we understand those are the obvious reasons. But that's my point exactly! He was the one that stood before the Lord and made a vow to cherish her forever, he was the one that told her he loved her, he was the one that was in the marriage with her. She should be MAD AS HELL with her HUSBAND. Now, I'm not mad at her for suing Gabby if that's how she feels like she's going to get her revenge, but come on...50 grand? That's like pennies for Gabrielle Union so at the end of the day, after going through all of this, Gabby will still be with Dwayne and Siohvaughn...well, not so much. So basically what's the point? And what about the kids? I'm a strong believer that when there are kids involved you should try to remain as civil as possible. Your kids should be the main focus and of course getting the best divorce settlement that you can possibly get....to care of your children of course! But instead she has the babies suing their father? Really? Claiming that Gabby's acts of sexual seduction with Dwayne in front of the kids caused emotional distress. Ummm hmmm. That's all I'm going to say about that...BUT it sounds like that has their mommy's name written all over it.

I can only imagine the hurt and pain that Siohvaughn Wade is feeling right now. Just think about it...you've been with a man for most of your life and this is how it ends? You were with him when no one even knew his name. You believed in this man when no one else believed in him. Hell, her mother even allowed Dwayne to stay in her home his senior year in high school when he was having problems in his household. Now I understand that you might grow apart from someone but was that the reason for their breakup? Or was it because Dwayne got caught up in the hype of a NBA star and forgot about the person that was with him threw it all? What do you think? Definitely could've been a little bit of both. Dwayne said this in an interview that he did a few years ago... "My wife and son are invaluable to me. She inspires me, and our marriage has helped me mature and be responsible." What happened Dwayne???

The lesson for today ladies and gentleman: Never forget those that were there for you in the very beginning. Don't get caught up in the hype.

Until next time....

Twitter and Facebook 101: Don't Allow Them Ruin Your Relationship

Nikki: "So, who was that chick that wrote on your wall yesterday??"

Keith: "Girl, what are you talkin' bout? Didn't nobody post nothin' on my wall?"

Nikki: "You lyin'!! I check your page everyday! You must've erased it then!"

Keith: "Ohhhh...you talkin bout Erica! We went to high school together!"

Nikki: "There you go lyin' again! I checked her page too..she went to Hoover and your ass went to Ramsay...now how you explain that?"

Keith: "Huh?"

Nikki: "Huh my ass! Get ya sh!$ and get out!"

Now how many of you have either taken part in a conversation much like the one above or you know someone that has? Yea, that's what I thought. (lol) Ladies and gentleman STOP stalking via the internet...it's not cool. First of all, understand that some people do and say things just for the simple fact that they know you're watching. They give you exactly what you're looking for even though in reality it's really NOTHING! It amazes me how people sit on facebook and twitter all day and try to "put the pieces together" or find out who their boyfriend/girlfriend is communicating with. Why? No, really what's the purpose? More than likely you're not going to find out, you're just going to drive yourself insane. And like I said before, if they know you're stalking them they will most definitely take it to the 100th power(i.e. status updates, random tweets, wall postings, etc.) Don't become a victim to the foolishness!

 Lord knows I've checked a page or two myself...don't judge me! (lol) But you know what? When I realized what I was doing I felt like a damn idiot....I mean I seriously had to shake my head at myself. Honestly, the fact that "social networking" sites are ruining relationships is absurd. True, the internet gives people access to anything and everything but it's up to you what you share with the public. If you don't want your personal business exposed then stop putting it out there. I promise you will see a drastic change in your relationship if you stop looking for stuff and just enjoy being in your relationship. Trust me when I tell you, if your mate is doing something behind your back you don't even have to search and play detective....it will come to you. I know from first hand experience. So, I challenge you to make some changes today. If you feel tempted to check his/her twitter or facebook page....DEACTIVATE. (lol) Seriously, don't give in to the urge, it's pointless.

No need for this blog post to be long...you get the point!

Until Next Time......

*Oh, and the names used in the dialogue above were fictional!

My Heart Or My Mind?? Which One is Right??

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the mind cannot understand.
-- Robert Valett

Ahh yes, that great struggle between your heart and mind...don't you love it? Ok, maybe not! If you're anything like me you try your hardest to go against your heart because you know that your mind just might be telling you the right the things to do. But is it that really the case? Of course your mind, in most cases, is going to make the logical decision but when did love become logical? Is it safe to listen to your mind over your heart when it comes to love? Are you taking a gamble by going against your heart? A lot of questions, huh? I can't help it, I'm inquisitive. But here's my opinion....I think it's hard to go against what you're heart really wants. For me, it's really difficult because while my mind is saying "Are you really going to go through with that? You're an idiot!" my heart is saying "Awww...it's ok honey!! What's a life that has never experienced love?" Yea yea yea...blah blah blah. But the hardest thing to deal with is when you listen to your heart and you end up going through that phase of regret. But should we really regret any decision that we make when it comes to love? How will we ever find love if we never put ourselves out there? Of course you're taking a risk but isn't that a part of being in love? I'm just asking! This battle between heart and mind is intense! These are all valid questions that you should ask yourself.

I struggle with putting up a front to hide what I'm truly feeling, but you have to be careful when doing this...it can get you in BIG trouble. One truism in life my friend, you can only lie to yourself for so long when the heart is involved. When you see that person and you start feeling the "butterflies in your stomach" and your heart starts beating at a rapid pace....everything that you have told yourself in your mind goes completely out the window! It almost as if at that moment your heart whispers, "Gotcha!" What to do?!! Do you forget about what you've chanted in your head a thousand times or do you go with your heart? I guess that's a decision we all have to make for ourselves. I just don't believe that there is a straightforward, right or wrong answer when it comes to love and relationships. The shit just doesn't make sense sometimes, that is the frustrating part. But the one thing I will tell you is that sometimes you have to step back and stop trying to control the situation. A very close friend of mine once told me "you can't hide from love forever.." and she was so right. You can tell yourself all day that you need to let go of a situation but until your heart catches up with your mind you can forget about it.
 
I said all that you to say this.... there will always be a battle between your heart and mind. It is totally up to you when it comes to deciding which one to follow. However, what you keep telling yourself in your mind might seem like the right thing to do, but what seems right might not always be right....remember that. When making decisions about love and relationships you have to be real with yourself first and foremost, that's the key. Don't allow your stubbornness to leave you lonely and thinking "what if.." Trust me when I tell you...that's not a good feeling. Basically, just do what makes you happy and you'll never have any regrets!

Until next time....

New Day...New Me

It's been a minute since I blogged and to tell you the truth....I missed it! So much has happened in the last past month and guess what? I couldn't wait to share it with you all! Where do I begin? Well, for starters, I finally decided to let go of that hell hole I called a job...Ughhhhh! I mean, it was really going to be the death of me. Have you ever just hated something so much that you became sick everytime you thought about it? I have and it's no fun. I had to really do some soul searching and decide which was better....a paycheck or my sanity. Both would be great, but if I could only choose one I will take my sanity for $500 Alex. Seriously, I know some people might think I'm crazy, but I care not. I know, I know...who quits their job these days? I'll tell you who...ME. As long I have faith in God and a little money stashed away, I'll be ok. No worries.

On another note I'm experiencing "being in like" for the first time in a very long time and I'm lovin it. He makes me laugh and smile and these days that means a lot to me. I'm not concerned with titles right now, all I know is I like the person that I am when I talk to him and when I'm around him...what more can I ask for? I know some of my past posts have been kind of depressing and hopeless(don't judge me..) but I was in that state of mind. As I said before, life is a journey and I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason. That's why I started this blog, to watch how my life evolves, how I evolve. Now, if I can help someone else in the process that might be going through the same thing then so be it, helping others is cool with me! Anyway, I finally realized that when you let go and stop trying to take control, everything will fall into place. What's for me is for me and what is supposed to happen will happen....no more, no less. See, what I had to realize is their is no formula to life. We can't try analyze everything and predict the final result. Not going to happen. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow, thinking too much about certain situations can really put a damper on life. Geesh! LIVE for God's sake. Take some risks...who knows? that risk might lead you to what you've been searching for all along.

My advice to anyone reading this is to get out of your confort zone. Nothing is going to happen for you if keep doing the same thing over and over again no matter how miserable it makes you feel. That also goes for the people in your life. If you know that certain individuals have no purpose in your life or they mean you no good...kick them out of your life! Hey, it's your life...you can do what you want to do!

BE FREE TO LIVE AND LOVE!

Until next time....

Who Am I? Let Me Tell You.....

So lately I've been realizing that a lot of people just don't "get me". I mean, my real friends that have been around me for years, yea....but just the Average Joe...not so much. I'm not a complex person(well, I don't think so..lol) I just look at things a little different than everyone else. But, it hurts my feelings when individuals tell me that I come off as a snob or like I have an attitude. I immediately become defensive because I know that's not who I am...not at all! No, I might not say much at first but that's because I like to observe people. Hell, I'm observant! In this world that we live in I almost feel as if I have to be. There are some shady people out here and I try to avoid them at all costs. I'm the nicest person you will ever meet, but when I sense a person is on bullshit, there credibililty immediately goes down the drain. People will take your kindness for a weakness, I know all too well. At one point, I started thinking "hmmm...maybe I'm too nice." But, that's just me. There are some things that I'm not willing to change.

Anyone that knows me knows that I'm a very sarcastic person. Some people take offense to this but I promise I don't mean any harm. I personally think sarcastic people are hilarious! I just say things sometimes to get people to use their brains. If you can't decipher sarcasm then something is definitely not right up there. But on the other hand, sometimes I use sarcasm to hide what I'm truly feeling. I know, it sounds weird, but it's the truth. Sometimes, if I feel like someone is getting too close or a situation is getting too serious and I can't handle it, I become very sarcastic. To the point where I become a smart ass. It's sad but dammit that's my way of defusing a situation. Don't judge me!

I'm just a simple chick trying to make it. On the real, sometimes I just want to become a recluse...hide away from the world for awhile...away from all the foolishness. Have you ever just thought, "why can't everyone think like me? The world would be a much better place!" Yea right. I can't help it! Sometimes I just get fed up with the bullshit...like forreal. It just amazes me how everything can be going so smoothly and then POW! Everything just blows up in your face. But through it all I have to keep my game face on...it's almost as if it's a sin if I show any emotion. Who said I was hard? Not me! People just assume that about me. No, that's not it all. I just don't put my feelings out there all the time. I've never been a really emotional person. In fact, my mother used to say that I didn't have an emotional bone in my body...go figure. I mean, if I cried about everything that went wrong in my life I would be crying a river...I'm just saying. That's just not me, makes me feel weak. What can I say? I'm a work in progress.

I just get so tired of people judging me when they don't really know me so I decided to TRY to explain a little about myself. We're all human, no one is perfect. I've learned to accept the fact that there are a few things that I need to work on but for the part I am who I am. If you don't like it to hell with you. I can't please everyone and I stopped trying a long time ago. To know me is to love me and that's real. I wasn't put on this Earth to please everyone. Actually, I haven't found my purpose yet.  But when I do, you all will be the first to know.

Until next time.....

Brokenhearted...

On this rainy Sunday morning at 1:02am, I am experiencing how it feels to have a broken heart. My heart is broken because I finally realized that the person that I loved never really loved me. And of course, I blame myself for dealing with the bs for so long and making excuses for him and the dumb things that he said and did. I had myself believing that I couldn't be happy with anyone if that person wasn't him. And the sad part is the fact that I know my self-worth...I know I'm a beautiful person inside and out....I know I deserve all the happiness that my heart can hold BUT love is an interesting thing. It will have you doing and saying things that are totally out of character. Trust me...I know. I tried to walk away so many times...each time I stayed away a little longer than the time before. Unfortunately, it doesn't matter if you stay away for a year, if your not completely over the situation in your heart, time doesn't matter. But what I can't understand is if you know you don't love a person and you can't give them what they want or need, why continue to place yourself in their life? That's the part that really upsets me. In my world where humans reside, it is not ok to tell a person that you don't want a relationship but you still want some of the benefits of being in a relationship. Really? When did this become acceptable? But that goes back to a post I did awhile back regarding women making it to easy for men when it comes to relationships.

My mother always told me that love isn't always easy, sometimes it takes putting up a fight if it's someone that you really want and I believe that. But you know what, you also have to know when to throw in the towel. You have to know when to say "I tried but enough is enough". Never love someone so much that you lose site of self in the process. I've said this so many times but I feel it's necessary to say it again....Love is an action. If you choose to say to someone "I love you" please be ready to put some action behind those words. If you know you can't, don't say those words until you know deep down in your heart that is truly how you feel and you are ready to show and prove each day that God gives you life. Some people don't realize the value that those three little words hold. You must admit, when that special someone utters those three words, a feeling comes over you that is undescribable. But when that person continues to say those words but their actions are the complete opposite, that's a feeling that I would't wish on my worst enemy.

The one thing that makes me happy about this entire situation is the fact that I know it wasn't in vain. I know that God would never take me through something that He didn't think I could handle. Every situation that has ever caused me hurt or pain has always made me a stronger person. In everything that I go through I learn from it and the knowledge that I gain is priceless. So, to anyone that may be going through a similiar situation or anyone that is going through a tough time, know that what you thought you lost is nothing compared to what God has in store for you...and it's right around the corner. Just be patient......

Thanks for listening....Goodnight.

"I Think I Love Him...Oh Nevermind...He's White" Part I

Lately I've been having some heated discussions regarding interracial dating. This topic is very interesting to me and can often be viewed as controversial. Everyone has their reason(s) as to why black and white people people should not race mix when it comes to relationships. Let's look deeper into the reason as to why we shouldn't. Is it because society says it's not "right"? Or is it because you feel that you will be perceived as a traitor who has turned his/her back on your own people? Or is it because you have been told my your peers that you couldn't possibly have anything in common with "them"?  These are just a few of the thoughts that I believe have crossed the mind of almost every black person that has ever considered dating a white person. However, I've had some people tell me that they have no problem with interracial dating but the buck stops there...no marriage, no kids. Huh? If that's the case why even date? I mean, what if you decide that you really like this person? What would you tell him/her? "I like you and you're cool but I can't get too involved because you're white..." Ok...moving on....

 Let me ask you this....have you ever wondered why you see more black men with white women and less black women with white men?  Everyone has their theory on why this happens...it could be because white women are thought to be more passive or it could be the fact that some black men have a "color complex" and often times light skinned black women just aren't light enough. Or what about this one...."black women have never supported me" I could go on and on but I have my own theory and it's quite simple. Black men don't analyze shit the way we do...simple as that. A woman is a woman....Black, Latino, Asian, etc. Whatever! Now, I'm not saying that all brothas think like this but I have come in contact with far too many that do. So, here's my question...why do we("we" meaning black women) limit ourselves on the possibility of finding love because we are afraid of how we might be perceived by society. Now, wait a minute, don't get your panties in a wad..(lol) Some women just aren't attracted to white men and they feel they have nothing in common...they still have hopes of finding their strong, black man that they feel was created for just for them and they don't intend on giving up until they find him...that's what's up! Ok, so does that mean that we should stop complaining that we're single? I'm just wondering if we thought outside the box for a minute and explored other options, would more of us be married? But then again, I don't care if he's black, white, red or yellow....ignorance is universal and the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I'm just saying....

This is a subject that I could talk about for days but I'll leave you with this....I personally have thought about dating outside my race but that doesn't mean that I don't have a deep love for my brothas( a VERY deep love) lol. I'm just saying that maybe it's time for me to start thinking outside the box and exploring other options but that's a BIG HUGE MAYBE! lol. But I would never judge someone because they found love and it just happened to be someone of the opposite race. I support finding true love...point blank period.

To be continued....

Oh and please share your thoughts on this subject! I'm interested to hear how you all feel about this....

No Resolutions...Just a Few Changes

10 Things I Challenge You to Do in 2010....

1. Be True to Yourself!.....Dont Be a Pretender, It's Not a Good Look.

2. Love Yourself!.......If You Don't Then Who Will?

3. Say "I Love You" to at least one Person per Day.......Spreading Love Heals the Heart!

4. Give off Positive Energy.......What You Give is What You Receive!

5. Take Care of Your Body....Your Body is Your Temple, Don't Abuse It.

6. Leave the Words "Can't" and "But" Out of Your Vocabulary...WINNERS Don't Use These Words!

7. Give Back.....Your Community Needs You.

8. Find Your Passion in Life.....Now You're On the Right Path To Knowing Your Purpose.

9. Travel to Places You've Never Been.....Thank me Later!

and lastly.... the  MOST IMPORTANT of them all...

10. PRAY and MEDITATE!....This Leads to Peace and Peace Leads To HAPPINESS

I don't have any resolutions this year but there are a few things I am taking the necessary steps to change. The 10 things that you read above are things that I am challenging myself to do in my own personal life and I challenge you to do the same.

Happy New Year!

Until Next Time...

Where Did the L.O.V.E Go?

"We were given: Two hands to hold. To legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find." -Unknown

When I was younger, my grandmother would always say "Baby, the love will come...as long as he's paying the bills you stay right there..." Really Granny?? (May her sweet soul rest in peace) But seriously, a lot of older women and some young women, still say things like this and really believe everything that what they are saying is true! And the one that I hate the most..."Make sure he loves you more than you love him" Now, how does that really make sense? My mother would tell me that all the time and for a minute I started believing her.  I mean, I honestly started thinking...are all the couples that I see together really meant to be together or did they just settle for each other because they couldn't be with the person that they really wanted? Should I just settle for the man that loves me more than I love him(if I love him at all...)?? I try to look at everything, for the most part, from a logical standpoint and I just don't see the logic in being with someone that loves and cares for me more than I love and care for him. Isn't that sort of selfish? Shouldn't he have the right to be with the person that does have those same feelings for him? But would he love her as much as he loves me? Or would he even love her at all? See what I'm saying? Is anyone with who they really want to be with? The unfortunate twist to any relationship is that one person may feel as if you they've found their soulmate but the other person may not feel that way.

I'm single for a reason....it's quite simple...I just haven't found the right man. Now some would ask the question, is the "right one" really out there? I believe so, the RIGHT one for me, that is! If I just wanted to be with any 'ole Joe Schmo that wouldn't be a problem, but I want to be with that person that loves me as much as I love him. Am I crazy to believe that I still have an opportunity to find love? I don't know...maybe, maybe not. Should I just be with someone based on what they can do for me and learn to love them over time? What if I never learn to love that person?? I guess that's the risk I'm suppose to take...NOT! So many times I hear women talking about how much money a man has or his social status,but what happens if he loses all of that? Will you still love him? What if the material things no longer exist?? Could you still see yourself "learning" to love him? I honestly believe that these are all valid questions. I just can't see myself being with someone solely on the basis of what he can do for me or how HE feels about ME. Ok, so he cares about me, I'm flattered. But if my heart's not in it there is nothing that he can do for me or say to me that will make me change my mind. Once again, this might sound crazy to some but hey, I'm entitled to my own opinion.

I just believe that we now live in a world of convenience where more and more relationships and marriages are being treated as business deals...nothing more, nothing less. Where did the love go? Lord help us all! Anyway...this is my point.....don't give up on true love. And when I say that I mean that undying love that exist between a man and a woman. Don't allow yourself to believe that you should settle for less than what you deserve...not cool. Don't allow someone to tell you to find someone that loves you more than you love them...there should be a balance in your relationship. There is nothing worse than having someone tell you that they love you and you have to struggle to say those words back to them. I know what it feels like to say those words when the feeling isn't really there....worst feeling ever. Just a little food for thought...

Until next time....

Why Do Men Cheat??...The REAL Reason(s)

This whole Tiger Woods fiasco really has me thinking....what is the real reason why men cheat? Is it because of some type of mental imbalance or is it simply because they become bored being with one woman? I know this is the million dollar question to which all women want to know the answer but this topic is very intriguing to me. Why do men cheat? Ok, so Tiger had not only one woman on the side, but he had like 10 other women!! Who does that? I mean, why get married? No, seriously. If you know you love women, why get married or get in a relationship and make someone's life miserable by cheating on her. Make no sense to me!

Now, clearly Tiger lost himself out there and the fact that he surrounded himself by such individuals as Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley doesn't say much for him. Jordan's ex-wife, Juanita, received $168 million in their divorce settlement...I'll just take a wild guess and say that it probably would've been cheaper to keep her...but that's just me. But let's forget about the money for a minute(well at least try). Why risk losing your family and jeopardizing your intergrity for a piece of ass?? I just don't get it! Can someone please explain? I was just using Tiger as an example because he was risking a lot more than the average man simply because of who he is, but let's discuss the average man. You know, the guy that goes to work everyday or "hustles" to make a living. Let's talk about him. Now, from a logical standpoint I would think that it would be much easier to be single and just date several women rather than being in a relationship or getting married and having to keep up with lies that you will be forced to tell. But there again....that's just me. However, I've talked to several men that admit to cheating and this is what they tell me...you ready for this? They love their girlfriend/wife and they know that's who they want to be with, but sometimes when it's right in front of you it's hard to say no. Huh? So, you're a grown ass man with no self-control? Oh ok. That's that bullshit! Ok, so my question still stands....why commit?? If you love that person like you say you do, why risk hurting them? I'm a woman but I can only speak for myself when I say that I would much rather a man love me and respect me enough to tell that he's just not ready to commit versus him being with me and CHEATING! Negative! The worst thing you can do is cheat on me and then tell me..."but I love you girl" Love should've brought your ass home last night...ha! I always wanted to say that! But really, how do love someone and be dishonest at the same time? How does that work? I know love and relationships can be a little tricky but damn...some things should just be common sense. Maybe I'm being naive, who knows!

I know this is a very interesting topic but I really want feedback from my brothas! Fill your girl in and let me know the real...I'm waiting! lol

Until next time....

My Test of Faith...

I haven't posted anything on here in awhile..I missed writing! I know most of my posts usually have to do with love and relationships but this time I felt compelled to change it up a bit. Most recently I haven't been feeling very well, partly due to stress(Note: Stress can kill you!). I was experiencing chest pains, shortness of breath, and many other symptoms that lead me to believe I was dying!(Dramatic..I know) I had to go to the ER twice and no one could tell me anything...talk about scared. Actually, scared may not be the best word....I was petrified! But, let me start from the beginning..it all started after I went to the doctor and she told me that she saw some blockage in my heart...WTH? Blockage? I'm only 27 years old and I exercise on a regular basis...ok, so my diet isn't the best but it's not the worst. Anyway, she referred me to a cardiologist just to make sure it wasnt anything serious. The first thought that came to my mind was "I'm too young to die!" There are so many things I haven't accomplished! But, age has nothing to at all to do with it. Of course, when I left her office and I got in my car, I started crying. I didn't know what else to do!  Moving on...I scheduled an appointment with the cardiologist and they ran all these tests on me to make sure that there was nothing seriously wrong with my heart or lungs. They noticed that my pulmonary artery was enlarged but he assured me that it was nothing to worry about. I promise I have never in my life prayed the way I've prayed in the last couple of weeks. I didn't want to talk to anybody but God because I knew He was the only one that could bring me through this. I knew this was a test of my faith and I wasn't going to allow the devil to take over my mind or my body.

When all this was happening, I started to think about what was really important. I thought about all the people in my life that I love and cherish. I can only speak for myself when I say that it took something like this to open my eyes to life and what matters the most. Life is too short to worry about things that don't matter or those things that we cannot change. I had a habit of dwelling on the past...I couldn't help it! I often wondered why things turned out a certain way or what I couldn've done to change the outcome. Who does that?? ME! What I had to realize is the past is the past and that's that. The present and the future are the only two moments of time that I should care about. One thing is for sure...my relationship with God is much stronger and this has truly shown me that with Him by side I can handle anything that the devil throws my way. I know that I am truly blessed and right now my happiness and good health mean more to me than anything.

I thought I would keep it short and simple with this one...lol

Thanks for listening....

Happiness.......What's the True Meaning?

Have you ever just been TIRED? No, I mean really TIRED, just FED UP!! Well, I think, scratch that, I know I'm at that point. I'm sitting here now with red eyes from restlessness and my night isn't even over. Wow! Between school, a stressful job, not to mention LIFE in general, I don't know how much more I can take! No, I'm not contemplating suicide(lol) I love myself too much! And I know this is the story of millions but why is that? Why is it that we don't take enough time for ourselves to do the things that really make us happy. Wait, do we even know what it is that makes us happy? I mean really, don't fake the funk, be real with me. We spend so much time and money getting these degrees in professions that half of us are unhappy with. That may not be the case with everyone, but that's for damn sure the case with me. But does that really make sense? I'm just saying. Think about what really makes you happy. That thing that makes you smile and gets you excited everytime you think about doing it. Now, the downside to this is that whatever "that thing" might be, you may not be able to turn that into a profession that makes you the money to carry on the lifestyle that you are used to having. What to do?! Do you just continue on with your unhappy existence or do you make a move to do something about it? No, I'm not telling you to up and quit your job, that's not a smart move if you don't have a Plan B.(lol) But I am telling you to find what makes you happy. For instance, when I started this blog there people that thought I was joking(including my mother) because they had no idea I could write.(lol) The funny thing is that I started this blog as a form of therapy for myself. It allows me to express my thoughts and topics on issues that I know other people think about. I had no idea that other people would be interested in reading what I write. I say all that to say...I'm not going to quit my job(at least not yet) to become a professional blogger, but when I have a bad day at work(which turns out to be pretty much everyday) sharing my thoughts and feelings with you all makes me feel better. What more can I say?

Life is too short! Do whatever makes you happy and push all that doubt and negativity our of your head. I honestly believe that life is all about choices...we all have the right to do what makes us happy but it's up to you to make that happen. I challenge everyone reading this to find that one thing(might be more but I like to start slow lol) that makes you happy and go for it! Stop thinking about it and JUST DO IT!!

That's all folks!

"Relationship? Why Would He Do That?"

Are women making it too easy for men these days? I ask that question because I'm really confused. (lol) It seems like these days men don't even think about having a monogamous relationship. I'm starting to believe that they think if they view you as being the "main chick" you should be content with that. Really? When did this become ok? I'm just saying...There was a time when a relationship meant one man being with one woman. Now, you have men, and some women, that make it perfectly clear that you are number one but there are a few others on the side. Some of you may be shaking your heads right now, but you know I'm telling the truth.

Seriously, even though we say to ourselves "I would never allow a man to do me that way" or "If I can't be the only one in your life I don't want to be with you at all" can you honestly say that you've never considered being in a "fake relationship" just for the sake of being alone? Man I tell ya, when that loneliness kicks in you start having some strange thoughts. (lol) Sometimes we enter into the position of the "main chick" thinking we can change the man and persuade him into making us the only woman...WRONG! A man will not change until he's good and damn ready and if you go into it knowing what it is and what it's going to be...it's hard to turn that into a positive for you. He will forever use the famous line of "well you knew I didn't want a commitment when you started dealing with me" and of course then we have to comeback with "Yes, but I thought things would change!" Why did you think that? Have you ever heard the famous phrase "Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free" Sure you have! Well why commit when you can have all the benefits of a relationship without ever actually having to be in a relationship? Make sense now? I just don't understand how some women pride themselves in being the "main girl".....If he's dealing with both or all of them wouldn't they all be considered the "side chick"? Let me know...I can be slow at times! (lol) I can speak from experience when I say that even though in the beginning you may have an "understanding", unless you are an all out whore, which I'm sure is not the case, it is just a matter of time before that "understanding" goes completely out the door. Just be careful!

I guess what I'm trying to say to all my single ladies is this....DON"T SETTLE! You're beautiful...you're self worth is priceless and there is someone out there that will recognize that sooner or later! When they look at you and only you, they will see love and that my dear is well worth the wait!

Until next time....

A Special Thanks to Dr. Booker T. Washington....

This past weekend I attended the Homecoming of my Alma Mater..Tuskegee University! I become excited everytime I think about all the young, educated African-American males and females that were together in one place showing mad love towards one another. My experience at Skegee was priceless...I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Of course, there are certain things that I probably should've done differently, but everything happens for a reason...right? (lol)  I was amazed at how some people hadn't changed at all, but on the hand, there were some people that had done a complete 180...now that was funny.  I certainly saw a few people that made me think to myself  "What the hell was I thinking? Why did I not talk to him?" (lol)  But I only pondered for about 2 minutes...then I got over it!

I have several friends that did not attend an HBCU and I joke with them all the time that they missed out on a life-changing experience. Now don't get it twisted...Skegee definitely had her flaws! Having no lights or air during the middle of the summer in 110 degree weather.....running from roaches that were the size of a child.... standing in the registration line for hours at a time and then having to deal with attitudes from Registrar....BUT I honestly believe that having to endure those things changed me for the better.

 When I entered in as a freshman, I had life all fucked  oops... messed up! lol I really thought the world revolved around me and nothing else mattered. Materialistic was not the word for me...actually I don't have a word that could really describe my attitude back then. I came from a place where everyone had the same look, the same way of thinking....basically just on some dumb ish! The sad part is some people are still on the same thing they were on back then...absolutely no growth. Skegee saved my life! lol No, but seriously, I was introduced to so many different types of people and so many different ways of thinking. It felt so good to be able to walk down the street and speak to 30 people without ever knowing their name, but it didn't matter! On any given day you could hear dialogue from the West Coast, the Midwest, the East Coast, the Bahamas...that's crazy! From..."What up Joe?" to "That's Hella Crazy" to What's Good Son?" Man, y'all got me over here really reminiscing! (lol) This weekend brought back a lot of those memories and for that I am thankful. I am thankful for the friendships and bonds that were developed that will forever remain regardless of distance or time. I am thankful for my TUSKEGEE EXPERIENCE!

That is all....

When Is it Time To Let Go?

My mother always told me to never go backwards in a relationship....I SHOULD'VE LISTENED! Seriously, why do we always end up going back even though we know the situation is bad for us? Why is it so hard to let go? Sometimes when we are involved with a person for a substantial amount of time, we feel that we have invested too much time to walk away. But does that really make sense? Hmmmm..

It's so funny to me how we can say so many times,"I'm done!" but we see that person or receive a phone call or text and it's back on! Whatever happened to "Just say no"? (lol) But seriously, I think we as women, and I won't leave out the brothas, have to understand that it has to be over in your heart as well as your mind for it to REALLY be over. We can say all day that we are done with an individual but if you're heart is still in it...you're not done. You have to be totally at peace with the situation for it to be over. The key to letting go is TIME! Don't rush it. If you want to continue to do the back and forth thing because you still have hopes that things will change...do it! No one should judge you for wanting to do that. It's ok to take the advice of your friends(I do it all the time lol) but at the end of day let the decision be yours and yours only. Letting go is hard but one thing that I know to be true..when you're done, you're done and there is nothing anyone can say or do to change your mind. Sometimes it takes getting tired and fed up with a situaion in order for you to leave.

I decided to do this post because I've seen so many situations(including my own)where individuals have wasted so much time and energy on someone that didn't deserve them in the first place. But because they were in love with the person they didn't want to let go. They didn't want to let go of that hope that one day things would change and they would live happily ever after. Not saying that's impossible but you can't force it. If something is meant to be it will be and if that person is meant for you, they will come back to you. Now, whether or not you take them back is all on you! (lol) But to all my beautiful people, love yourself first and foremost and everything else will fall in place.

Until next time....

Is It Really For the Baby? Yea Right...

Have you ever met a person and they told you that they were with there mate because of the child? I have. Now, because I do not have any kids I will not and cannot judge them, along with the fact that I'm not a judmental person. BUT, as a realist and looking at it from a logical standpoint, I just don't get it. I do understand loving your child and wanting him/her to be raised in a family setting, but if that's the reason just say that! I feel like in so many situations, both parties use the child as a reason for staying because it's much easier to do that instead of admitting their true feelings. Believe me, I've dealt with someone that had a child, and he loved his son to death. However, he did not want anything to do with his child's mother(at least not in a romantic way). They were cordial because of the precious gift that they shared together, but they were mature enough to realize that they didn't have to be in a relationship in order to raise their child. Although he and I are no longer dating, I will always and forever respect him for his maturity and the love and respect that he has for his son and his son's mother.

One thing that really bothers me is when some women threaten the man with never seeing his child again! Who in the hell does that? Seriously, if a man loves his child and wants to take care of his responsibility, why would you deprive him of that? Just because you want him and you don't want to see him with someone else? Ok, once again I will make it a point to say that I have NO kids, but if I did, my child would be my main concern! If the man decides for whatever reason that he does not want to be with me...KICK ROCKS!! Often times, we as women get so caught up in the man that we tend to lose ourselves. I've seen it happen too many times. Hell, it's happened to me! But one thing I've learned in my 27 years of life is that I will ALWAYS love myself first. I might find myself in love with him but I love myself more.

Men...if you love your child's mother and you want to be with her...IT'S OK! I'm not saying that's the case with all men but some men feel like they have to lie to kick it...false assumption! I just strongly believe that when you have unprotected sex with a person, as an adult you know that you run the risk of getting pregnant or inpregnating someone...obviously you cared enough for that person to run that risk. Unfortunately, in some cases, after the child is born you start seeing a side of your mate that you didn't know existed.(lol) I'm laughing because I hear so many of my friends say "Girl,after this baby was born he just started acting crazy!", or from the male "Ole girl just started flippin out after she had the baby..I can't go nowhere!" Well damn. But it happens everyday.

All I'm saying is that I don't think it's logical to stay in a negative situation claiming it's for your child. How are you helping your child? I would only assume that it's healthier for your child to see their parents have a healthy relationship even though they don't live together versus both of their parents being in the home but they argue all the time. What you see as a child has a heavy bearing on how you view certain situations as an adult...I'm just saying.

But those are just my two cents....who the hell am I? lol

Please share your thoughts with me!!!

Until Next Time....