It's been a minute since I actually made time to share my thoughts with you guys....I'm kind of nervous. So much has happened in my life since the last time I blogged...some good, some not so good. As I've said before, writing is my therapy so here goes...
I have a fear of leaving this Earth too soon. I know for a fact that there are so many things in my life that just aren't right. There are so many things I haven't done, goals I haven't accomplished, true love I have't found, true undeniable happiness I haven't felt. Then there are so many questions in my head...Have I made a difference in at least one person's life? How will people remember me? Honestly, I try my best to tell people in my life how I truly feel about them because once you're gone that's it...no coming back. People always say "tomorrow isn't promised" but why don't we live like that? Why do we put off doing things and sharing our true feelings? Simple, because we assume we have time. When someone dies, especially someone that you know or someone who's close to you in age, it sort of makes you put things in perspective. Makes you realize that life is too short to continuously put things off, but how long does the way of thinking last? A week, maybe a month? Do you really make those changes that you've vowed to make or do you go on with life just as nothing has happened? Am I making a conscious effort to change? Of course. Is it hard for me to make certain changes? Hell yes!
This past week has been very stressful for me. I've been going through a lot and so have my friends and when my friends hurt, I hurt. I don't easily trust people and it's not easy for me to let new people in my life but once your in, your in. I will do anything for my friends and family and that's one thing that I pray that they will always remember about me. I try my best to tell my friends and my family that I love them and care about them on a regular basis...I never want them to wonder. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't always like that but one of the things that I'm working on with self is learning how to express how I feel and show my emotions. In the past I was very afraid to show my emotions because it made me feel vulnerable and I thought it made me appear weak. But I had to realize that it doesn't matter if people perceive me as being weak, as long as the close people in my life know me for the strong woman that I am, then it doesn't really matter. I know that not everyone will have these great loving happy memories of me but I try my best to leave a lasting positive impression on every person that I meet and every person that comes in my life. As my good friend would say "You want people at your funeral to remember you for more than wearing fly jeans and buying shots of Patron. Cause half the folks who got down with you will only be talking about your "potential."
Before I get all emotional, I'm going to make it quick and simple and end this post by saying this...our time on this Earth is temporary. Live each day of your life like it's your last and strive each day to be a better person. I'm not just saying this to say it...I mean it. Tell people how you truly feel while they are alive because once they are gone they can't hear the cries or the feel the emotions. Don't wait until it's too late.
Until next time.....
